The Best American Humorous Short Stories eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 365 pages of information about The Best American Humorous Short Stories.

The Best American Humorous Short Stories eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 365 pages of information about The Best American Humorous Short Stories.
him out and made much of him; white women talked to him about his career; and wherever he went, women of color—­black girls, brown girls, yellow girls—­wrote him of their admiration, whispered, when he would listen, of their passion and hero-worship.  “City niggers” bowed down before him; the high gallery was always packed with them.  Musk-scented notes scrawled upon barbaric, “high-toned” stationery poured in upon him.  Even a few white women, to his horror and embarrassment, had written him of love, letters which he straightway destroyed.  His sense of his position was strong in him; he was proud of it.  There might be “folks outer their haids,” but he had the sense to remember.  For months he had lived in a heaven of gratified vanity, but at last his appetite had begun to falter.  He was sated; his soul longed to wipe a spiritual mouth on the back of a spiritual hand, and have done.  His face, now that the curtain was down and he was leaving the stage, was doleful, almost sullen.

Stuhk met him anxiously in the wings, and walked with him to his dressing-room.  He felt suddenly very weary of Stuhk.

“Nothing the matter, Gideon, is there?  Not feeling sick or anything?”

“No, Misteh Stuhk; no, seh.  Jes don’ feel extry pert, that’s all.”

“But what is it—­anything bothering you?”

Gideon sat gloomily before his mirror.

“Misteh Stuhk,” he said at last, “I been steddyin’ it oveh, and I about come to the delusion that I needs a good po’k-chop.  Seems foolish, I know, but it do’ seem as if a good po’k-chop, fried jes right, would he’p consid’able to disumpate this misery feelin’ that’s crawlin’ and creepin’ round my sperit.”

Stuhk laughed.

“Pork-chop, eh?  Is that the best you can think of?  I know what you mean, though.  I’ve thought for some time that you were getting a little overtrained.  What you need is—­let me see—­yes, a nice bottle of wine.  That’s the ticket; it will ease things up and won’t do you any harm.  I’ll go, with you.  Ever had any champagne, Gideon?”

Gideon struggled for politeness.

“Yes, seh, I’s had champagne, and it’s a nice kind of lickeh sho enough; but, Misteh Stuhk, seh, I don’ want any of them high-tone drinks to-night, an’ ef yo’ don’ mind, I’d rather amble off ’lone, or mebbe eat that po’k-chop with some otheh cullud man, ef I kin fin’ one that ain’ one of them no-’count Carolina niggers.  Do you s’pose yo’ could let me have a little money to-night, Misteh Stuhk?”

Stuhk thought rapidly.  Gideon had certainly worked hard, and he was not dissipated.  If he wanted to roam the town by himself, there was no harm in it.  The sullenness still showed in the black face; Heaven knew what he might do if he suddenly began to balk.  Stuhk thought it wise to consent gracefully.

“Good!” he said.  “Fly to it.  How much do you want?  A hundred?”

“How much is coming to me?”

“About a thousand, Gideon.”

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The Best American Humorous Short Stories from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.