The Best American Humorous Short Stories eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 365 pages of information about The Best American Humorous Short Stories.

The Best American Humorous Short Stories eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 365 pages of information about The Best American Humorous Short Stories.

The woman had evidently noticed his hesitation, but mistook its cause.  “It ain’t me—­but my darter.”

The Colonel recovered his politeness.  “Ah!  I am relieved, my dear madam!  I could hardly conceive a man ignorant enough to—­er—­er—­throw away such evident good fortune—­or base enough to deceive the trustfulness of womanhood—­matured and experienced only in the chivalry of our sex, ha!”

The woman smiled grimly.  “Yes!—­it’s my darter, Zaidee Hooker—­so ye might spare some of them pretty speeches for her—­before the jury.”

The Colonel winced slightly before this doubtful prospect, but smiled.  “Ha!  Yes!—­certainly—­the jury.  But—­er—­my dear lady, need we go as far as that?  Cannot this affair be settled—­er—­out of court?  Could not this—­er—­individual—­be admonished—­told that he must give satisfaction—­personal satisfaction—­for his dastardly conduct—­to —­er—­near relative—­or even valued personal friend?  The—­er—­arrangements necessary for that purpose I myself would undertake.”

He was quite sincere; indeed, his small black eyes shone with that fire which a pretty woman or an “affair of honor” could alone kindle.  The visitor stared vacantly at him, and said, slowly: 

“And what good is that goin’ to do us?”

“Compel him to—­er—­perform his promise,” said the Colonel, leaning back in his chair.

“Ketch him doin’ it!” said the woman, scornfully.  “No—­that ain’t wot we’re after.  We must make him pay!  Damages—­and nothin’ short o’ that.”

The Colonel bit his lip.  “I suppose,” he said, gloomily, “you have documentary evidence—­written promises and protestations—­er—­er—­ love-letters, in fact?”

“No—­nary a letter!  Ye see, that’s jest it—­and that’s where you come in.  You’ve got to convince that jury yourself.  You’ve got to show what it is—­tell the whole story your own way.  Lord! to a man like you that’s nothin’.”

Startling as this admission might have been to any other lawyer, Starbottle was absolutely relieved by it.  The absence of any mirth-provoking correspondence, and the appeal solely to his own powers of persuasion, actually struck his fancy.  He lightly put aside the compliment with a wave of his white hand.

“Of course,” said the Colonel, confidently, “there is strongly presumptive and corroborative evidence?  Perhaps you can give me—­er—­a brief outline of the affair?”

“Zaidee kin do that straight enough, I reckon,” said the woman; “what I want to know first is, kin you take the case?”

The Colonel did not hesitate; his curiosity was piqued.  “I certainly can.  I have no doubt your daughter will put me in possession of sufficient facts and details—­to constitute what we call—­er—­a brief.”

“She kin be brief enough—­or long enough—­for the matter of that,” said the woman, rising.  The Colonel accepted this implied witticism with a smile.

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The Best American Humorous Short Stories from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.