LIPOCHKA.  What do you mean, bankrupt?  And the house and shops?

PODKHALYUZIN.  The house and shops—­are mine, ma’am!

LIPOCHKA.  Yours!  Get out!  Are you trying to make a fool of me?  Look for a bigger goose than I am.

PODKHALYUZIN.  But I have here some legal documents. [He produces them.

LIPOCHKA.  So you bought them of dad?

PODKHALYUZIN.  I did, ma’am!

LIPOCHKA.  Where’d you get the money?

PODKHALYUZIN.  Money!  Glory to God, I have more money than any nobleman.

LIPOCHKA.  What in the world are they doing to me?  They’ve been bringing me up all these years, and then go bankrupt! [Silence.

PODKHALYUZIN.  Now suppose, Olimpiada Samsonovna, that you married a nobleman—­what will that ever amount to, ma’am?  Only the glory of being a lady, but not the least pleasure, ma’am.  Please consider:  ladies themselves often go to the market on foot, ma’am.  And if they do drive out anywhere, then it’s only the glory of having four horses; but the whole team ain’t worth one merchant’s horse.  By heaven, it ain’t, ma’am!  And they don’t dress so blamed superbly either, ma’am!  But if, Olimpiada Samsonovna, you should marry me, ma’am—­here’s the first word:  you’ll wear silk gowns even at home, and visiting, and to the theatre, ma’am—­and we shan’t dress you in anything but velvets.  In respect to hats and cloaks—­we won’t care what’s in style with the nobility, but we’ll furnish you the finest ever!  We’ll get horses from the Orlov stud. [Silence] If you have doubts on the question of my looks, then that’s just as you like, ma’am; I’ll put on a dress coat, and trim my beard or cut it off, according to the fashion, ma’am; that’s all one to me, ma’am.

LIPOCHKA.  You all talk that way before the wedding; but afterwards you cheat us.

PODKHALYUZIN.  May I die on the spot, Olimpiada Samsonovna!  Damnation blast me if I lie!  Why should I, Olimpiada Samsonovna?  D’you think we’ll live in a house like this?  We’ll buy one in the Karetny, ma’am; and how we’ll decorate it!  We’ll have birds of paradise on the ceilings, sirens, various Coopids[1]—­people’ll pay good money just to look at it.

[Footnote 1:  These are not the only words that Podkhalyuzin mispronounces; Olimpiada is another.]

LIPOCHKA.  They don’t paint Coopids any more nowadays.

PODKHALYUZIN.  Then we’ll let ’em paint bokays. [Silence] If you’d only agree on your side, then I don’t want anything more in life. [Silence] How unfortunate I am, anyhow, that I can’t say nice compliments.

LIPOCHKA.  Why don’t you talk French, Lazar Elizarych?

PODKHALYUZIN.  Because there was no reason why I should. [Silence] Make me happy, Olimpiada Samsonovna; grant me that blessing, ma’am. [Silence] Just tell me to kneel to you.

LIPOCHKA.  Well, do it! [PODKHALYUZIN kneels] What a horrid waistcoat you have on!