He never commends anything but in opposition to something else that he would undervalue, and commonly sides with the weakest, which is generous anywhere but in judging.  He is worse than an index expurgatorius; for he blots out all, and when he cannot find a fault, makes one.  He demurs to all writers, and when he is overruled, will run into contempt.  He is always bringing writs of error, like a pettifogger, and reversing of judgments, though the case be never so plain.  He is a mountebank that is always quacking of the infirm and diseased parts of books, to show his skill, but has nothing at all to do with the sound.  He is a very ungentle reader, for he reads sentence on all authors that have the unhappiness to come before him; and therefore pedants, that stand in fear of him, always appeal from him beforehand, by the name of Momus and Zoilus, complain sorely of his extra-judicial proceedings, and protest against him as corrupt, and his judgment void and of none effect, and put themselves in the protection of some powerful patron, who, like a knight-errant, is to encounter with the magician and free them from his enchantments.

A BUSY MAN

Is one that seems to labour in every man’s calling but his own, and, like Robin Goodfellow, does any man’s drudgery that will let him.  He is like an ape, that loves to do whatsoever he sees others do, and is always as busy as a child at play.  He is a great undertaker, and commonly as great an underperformer.  His face is like a lawyer’s buckram rag, that has always business in it, and as he trots about his head travels as fast as his feet.  He covets his neighbour’s business, and his own is to meddle, not do.  He is very lavish of his advice, and gives it freely, because it is worth nothing, and he knows not what to do with it himself.  He is a common-barreter for his pleasure, that takes no money, but pettifogs gratis.  He is very inquisitive after every man’s occasions, and charges himself with them like a public notary.  He is a great overseer of State affairs, and can judge as well of them before he understands the reasons as afterwards.  He is excellent at preventing inconveniences and finding out remedies when ’tis too late; for, like prophecies, they are never heard of till it is to no purpose.  He is a great reformer, always contriving of expedients, and will press them with as much earnestness as if himself and every man he meets had power to impose them on the nation.  He is always giving aim to State affairs, and believes by screwing of his body he can make them shoot which way he pleases.  He inquires into every man’s history, and makes his own commentaries upon it as he pleases to fancy it.  He wonderfully affects to seem full of employments, and borrows men’s business only to put on and appear in, and then returns it back again, only a little worse.  He frequents all public places, and, like a pillar in the old Exchange, is hung with all men’s business, both public and private, and his own is only to expose them.  He dreads nothing so much as to be thought at leisure, though he is never otherwise; for though he be always doing, he never does anything.