I turned out and took a look at the scene of impending tragedy.  The three unconscious officers on three camp-beds were lying out in the middle of a sea of mud like three lone islets.  Their shuddering subordinates were taking cover at long range, whispering among themselves and crouching in attitudes of dreadful expectancy like men awaiting the explosion of a mine or the cracking of Doom.  As explosions of those dimensions are liable to be impartial in their attentions I took horse and rode afield.  But according to my batman, who braved it out, the Lieutenant woke up first, exploded noisily and detonated the Field Officer who in turn detonated the Colonel.  In the words of my batman—­“They went orf one, two, three, Sir, for orl the world like a machine gun, a neighteen-pounder and an How-Pop-pop!  Whizz-bang!  Boom!—­very ’eavy cas-u-alities, Sir.”  PATLANDER.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  First unhappy Passenger. “OH, I SAY, CAN’T WE GO BACK NOW?”

Boatman. “NOT YET, SIR.  THE GENTLEMAN IN THE BOWS INSISTS ON ’AVING ’IS SIXPENNORTH.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Sergeant (in charge of the raw material). “NOW, NUMBER TWO, WE’LL HAVE THAT MOVEMENT ONCE AGAIN.  DON’T FORGET THIS TIME—­NECK LIKE A SWAN, FEET LIKE A FAIRY.”]

* * * * *

“A man who was looking at some sheep under the wire saw the flash pass close to him with simultaneous thunder, the sheep being unharmed.  Still one or two complained of their legs feeling numb.” —­Parochial Magazine.

Who said Baalamb?

* * * * *

“There is no saying how Kinglake’s history might have otherwise read had not a round shot put a premature end to Korniloff’s career at the Malakoff whence M’Mahon was to send his famous message, ‘J’y, j’reste.’”—­Manchester Evening Chronicle.

There is no saying how anybody’s history will read if time-honoured sayings may be treated like this.

* * * * *

    “We are inclined to attribute the form as well as the substance
    of the Note to the aloofness from the practical affairs of the
    outside world which seems to exist in the Vatican.”—­Times.

The POPE may or may not be behind the times, but as our contemporary signed the Papal Peace Note, “BENEDICTUS XVI.” it is plain that The Times is ahead of the POPE.

* * * * *

Extract from a letter recently received by a manufacturing firm:—­

“We are pleased to be able to inform you that we have seen the Munitions Area delusion officer at ——­, and he has informed us that he would not hesitate to grant Protection Certificates for these men.”

We sympathise too much with Labour to care to see it labouring under a delusion officer.