“Wilbur started to chide me.  I was in too gra’ a nervousness state to be chid’ an’ I tol’ him sho.  Did he have compassion and pity on muh in my vis-vis-situdes?  No!  Abso-o-o-lutely no!  I says all ri’ old top, if you look at it that way I guess I can bear up through the heat of the day without your assistance, an’ if it’s just the same to you I will toddle ri’ along and peddle my matches.

“Wilbur pricks up his ears at those few words and tries to copper his remarks, but not for a minute could I see through the fog.

“I just gather up my skirt and sweep majestically out of the room, jump into taxicab and proceed to hunt pleasure and relaxation.  What do you know about that?

“Ah! here is the little waiter with his shining morning face.  Get me another one of the same and keep your eagle eye on these gentlemen’s mugs and see that they do not get dry.  Say, take it from me, if I felt any better I’d break out in a rash.  I abso-o-o-o-lutely have no regard for the future.  I don’ care whether school keeps or not, and Curfew can ring her young head off for all I care.  I am going to make old Omar feel like a temperance lecturer before I get through this celebration.  I am willing to drink everything but ‘Merry Widow’ cocktails, for they make you want to steal your own clothes.

“I was expecting to enjoy a box at Ted Marks’ big pow-wow at the New York this afternoon, but I fear me at about that time the only thing I will be in condition to attend will be the usual hang-over party in the Metropole.

“Mr. Marks is sure the one clever party.  He’s going to organize a club called ‘The Human Nightkeys.’  Any one that goes to bed before daylight is barred.  Lee Harrison offered his services as sergeant-of-arms to see that the rule is observed.

“Now that Summer is coming on this sleep question is getting shoved off in a dark corner by itself.  It always was a waste of time.

“I don’t care a whoop for the best man that breathes and now that I have slipped Wilbur the go’-by I shall never fall in love with one of his sex again.  Tell muh, do I look all ri’.  I haven’t detailed the rest of this adventure, have I?  Well, I left Wilbur and met a nice quiet party that was singing ‘We’re Afraid to Go Home in the Dark’ over in Jack’s and I at once began to mingle.  They were all good fellows, so I nearly gave them heart trouble by ordering wine for the crowd.

“I will not endeavor to chronicle the amount of lush I tucked away.  I will only state that if I had not been a good friend to the bell hops I never would have gotten upstairs.

“Estelle, that’s muh maid, was sitting up with her face to the pane waiting for me to come home, and just to show her how grateful I was I gave her all of Wilbur’s pictures and all the change I had in my stocking.  Waiter, you are forgetting your duties in part.

“I finally got to bed and then I pulled off the big cry.  Booze, you understand, and not because I lost that hot-air shooting, lush-working, expense-account-grubbing wah of a Wilbur.  I should say not.  Don’t think that I wear pink tights and can’t get the best man that ever breathed.