12 mo. 12.—­When I consider the many years which have elapsed since I first enlisted under the Lord’s banner, I find cause deeply to reproach myself for want of a more early and implicit obedience to the divine will; the want of which, I fully believe, has been the means of plunging me into seas of trouble and years of perplexity.  I fear the time lost will never be redeemed.  O, should I ever have to warn others to beware of the rock on which I have split, surely it may be done through heartfelt experience indeed!  And as the glorious light of the sun begins mercifully to verge from under the cloud, O, may I never, never forget the sacred covenant made in the days of my deep distress, that if the Lord would loosen my bonds, then would I serve him freely.

25_th_.—­I went to Thornton to R.W.’s, and next day to Lothersdale Meeting, accompanied by D.W. and some other part of R.W.’s family.  The forepart of that meeting was very trying, at which I did not wonder, if we might judge from a previous feeling; for ever since the prospect of this little visit presented to my view, I felt a load on my spirit which I could not by any means cast off.  On entering the place, I thought, when our dear Lord sent forth his disciples, he commanded them to take neither purse nor scrip; and that if this state of poverty of spirit was any badge of discipleship, some of us might claim to wear it.  The language of the weeping prophet came also before me—­“O that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people.”  It was hard work for me, a poor stripling, to have to intimate such close things; but the conclusion was easier to the natural part, I having to address a few to whom the language seemed to go forth, of “Mary, the Master is come, and calleth for thee.”

I went from thence to the Quarterly Meeting at York, which was thinly attended.  The meeting for worship seemed a cloudy season; however a little matter impressed my mind which I was thankful in being enabled to get rid of, though hard to flesh and blood, it being the first time my voice has been heard in this Quarterly Meeting in ministry.  The meeting for business was long and tedious, being protracted four and a half days by an appeal.  It was disagreeable in its nature, but was conducted in a way to afford information and instruction to the minute observer of men, manners and things.

1820.—­Our first extract from this year’s diary contains a short but beautiful reflection:—­

2 mo. 18.—­I am convinced it would be better for us to live more in the inward spirit of prayer; we should live in nearer union with the Father of love; receive more of his heavenly embraces; the heart would be prepared to know more of his holy will, and receive power to perform it.

When John Yeardley left Barnsley he commenced a correspondence with his brother Thomas, which lasted until the death of the latter, J.Y.’s letters have been preserved, and supply us with much that is valuable in his character and Christian experience.  The following extract shows the power of sympathy which he possessed towards those with whom he was entirely intimate:—­