The life of a Christian is very much the history of outward and inward trials.  How happy it is when these serve only to deepen his experience!  The nature of John Yeardley’s spiritual trials has been fully shown:  his temporal crosses have also been glanced at; they consisted mainly of want of success in business, in which, indeed, he was little fitted to excel, under the keen competition of modern times.

1816. 1 mo. 4.—­A new year has commenced, but the old afflictions are still continued, both inwardly and outwardly; for even in temporal affairs disappointments rage high.  But O what a privilege to sink down to the anchor-hope of divine support!  This is what I can feelingly acknowledge this evening to be as a brook by the way to refresh my poor and long-distressed mind.  O, how ardently do I desire that this season of adversity may be sanctified to me for everlasting good, and prove the means of slaying that will in me, which has too long been opposed to the will of Him who paid the ransom for my soul with nothing less than the price of his own precious blood.

The difficulty of making his way in the commercial world increased until the risk of “failure began to stare him in the face.”  The fear of such a result sank him exceedingly low; but through all he was permitted to keep his footing upon the rock, and to behold a spiritual blessing under the guise of temporal adversity.

7_th_.—­Surely it is a mark of divine favor to feel the supporting hand of my heavenly Father underneath, to bear up my drooping spirits in this time of adversity.  I think I was never more sensible of his powerful arm being made bare for my deliverance; and yet, unaccountable to tell, I am almost afraid to trust in him.  O, my soul, wherefore dost thou doubt, when thou feelest the glorious presence of thy Redeemer’s countenance to shine upon thee?

In the meeting this morning, he continues, my mind was profitably exercised in contemplating the following subject.  When our dear Lord was about to perform the miracle of feeding the multitude, he commanded them to sit down upon the grass.  They were undoubtedly hungry, and this might create in them too great an anxiety to be satisfied in their own time; but that all things might be done in order, and without interruption, they were commanded to sit down and wait the disposal of their food from the bountiful hand of their great Master.  In looking at the subject, I thought it a lively representation of the state of mind we ought to labor after, when favored to feel hunger and thirst after righteousness; not frustrating the design of the Most High by being too anxious to be filled in our own will and way, but patiently waiting the time of Him who giveth to all their meat in due season, and that which is most convenient for them.  And what greater privilege could we desire than to be fed at the Lord’s table?

9_th_.—­As my precious wife and I were consoling each other this evening, she remarked that the dispensation we were now suffering under was probably in answer to our prayers.  This brought strikingly to my remembrance a secret petition which I have frequently put up in the most fervent manner I have been capable of, when deeply lamenting my unsubjected will; I have even cried out aloud, “O make me willing; do, Lord, make me willing, make me willing!”