“JOHN BEATY bit off WM. HARPER’S face in April last, at a church fight in Brooklyn, and then went to sea.  Last night he came back, and was arrested by officer Fox, who will take him before Justice WALSH to-day.  HARPER is disfigured for life.”

The matter-of-fact way in which the expression, “a church fight” is used by the writer of the above item, seems to indicate that tabernacular conflicts are rather the rule than the exception in “deeply religious” Brooklyn.  We were not prepared to expect, though, that theological controversy ever ran further in Brooklyn than to the extent of “putting a head on” one’s antagonist, though now it appears that biting his face off is more the thing.  The statement that “HARPER is disfigured for life,” goes for nothing with us, as that depends altogether on what sort of looking man he was previous to the removal of his features by means of a dental apparatus.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE “STERN PARENT.

Daughter “WELL, TO TELL THE TRUTH, I DID NOT THINK MUCH OF THE CLOSE OF THE SERMON.”

Father.  “PROBABLY YOU WERE THINKING MORE OF THE CLOTHES OF THE CONGREGATION.”]

* * * * *

THE WAR.

It is with feeling of intense satisfaction and self complacency, that Mr. PUNCHINELLO submits to his readers the following despatches relative to the Great Railroad War, which have been collected at a fabulous cost, by a large corps of reporters and correspondents specially detailed for the purpose.

WAR DECLARED!

ERIE PALACE.—­It is rumored that the “unpleasantness” which has for some time past existed between the rival powers of the Erie and the Central, will shortly culminate in open hostilities.  Col.  FISK, assisted by twelve secretaries, is said to be actively engaged in drawing up a formal Declaration.  Great enthusiasm prevails here.  The Erie Galop and FISK Guard March (price 50 cents, including full length portrait of Capt.  SPENCER,) are played nightly in the Opera House, and are vociferously re-demanded.  Every member of the Ninth has been notified to hold himself in readiness to turn out at fifteen minutes’ notice.

LATER.

“Erie accepts the war which VANDERBILT proffers her.”  The “Blonde Usher,” accompanied by an extensive retinue of brother ushers, will bear the gauge of battle to the Tyrant of the Central.  He will cast It boldly at VANDERBILT’S feet.  It is announced that he will proceed to his destination by way of the Eighth Avenue Car Line.  The reply of the Hudson River potentate is looked forward to with great interest.

“CENTRAL” REPORTS.

VANDERBILT received the Declaration of War with seeming calm.  On the departure of the Erie Emissary, however, his fortitude forsook him; he threw himself on the neck of a baggage porter and wept aloud.  At a late hour this evening a trusted agent left here for the Tribune office.  He is said to have held a long conference with Mr. GREELEY, the particulars of which have not transpired.  It is supposed by many to portend an alliance, offensive and defensive, between the King of Central and the Philosopher of Printing-House Square.