“Shall it be thus?  No!” says the poet.  “Dry your tears, little JACK, go to the well-stocked pantry, my boy, and get something to eat.  The jury will not convict you of stealing, for their verdict will be that you did the deed in self-defence.”  And he did—­go to the closet, and—­

    “Sat in the corner,
    Eating a Christmas Pie.”

See the smiles as they wreathe themselves on his chubby countenance.  How little JACK looks at the pie! how he turns it round and round to find the best spot whereon to begin the attack!  How he smacks his lips, and thinks how nice it would be if he could wish to give SUSAN ANN a taste!  But he can’t.

Suddenly an idea strikes JACK.  He has heard Uncle TOM talk of a big war between Frawnce and Proossia, and all about the soldiers and the cannon, and the big noises.  Little JACK will make war on the pie.  He will be Frawnce, the pie will be Proossia.  He sets it squarely before him on the floor; rolls up his sleeves, may be; his eyes sparkle with determination; he finds the most vulnerable spot in the crust; he makes one bold dive with his thumb, it goes down, down down, crushing everything before it; it feels something; renewed vigor flows through JACK’S veins, and gives him new strength for the attack; victory crowns him; and, in the words of the poet,

    “He pulled out a plum,
    And said, ‘What a brave boy am I.’”

—­Now he is happy.  He has realized his fondest hopes.  The blue-bottle has no tickle for him now.  He was Frawnce and he has licked Proossia.  There is nothing left but the plate, and his teeth are not hard enough for that.

* * * * *

“Hooray for the Impurrur!”

The ardor with which our Milesian element embraces the cause of France furnishes a puzzle for many thoughtful minds; and yet its solution is simple.  In planning a passage of the Rhine, LOUIS NAPOLEON proposes to BRIDGET.  That’s all.

* * * * *

A Roland for his Oliver.

OLIVER DYER, of the Sun, is the original “Dyer Necessity that knows no law.”

* * * * *

OUR PORTFOLIO.

And now comes to light another divorce case in Chicago.  Mrs. HUGG sues Mr. HUGG for a decree e vinculo matrimonii.  If there is anything in a name, no one will gainsay the observation that if hugging has lost its charm, Mrs. HUGG is the last person to make a fuss about it.  She took her HUGG with a full knowledge of the circumstances, and it is contrary to public policy and good morals that her plea of “hugged out” should enable her to obtain the remedy which she seeks.