Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 53 pages of information about Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870.

Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 53 pages of information about Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870.

Naturalists tell us that the Aye-aye is a small animal of Madagascar, with sharp teeth, long claws, and a tail; which eats whatever it can grab, and says nothing day or night but aye-aye.  Now, we find that, AGASSIZ to the contrary notwithstanding, this strange and not very useful animal is indigenous to the State of Pennsylvania.  It especially frequents Harrisburg; and may be seen and heard any day there, in the Senate or House.  Being an active member of that House, your correspondent has been present during the passage of three hundred bills within a week or two, in about one hundred and ten of which he had some personal interest.

Lifting his eyes one day from his newspaper, when the Speaker took the vote on an “Act to amend the Incorporation of the City of Philadelphia,” which your correspondent happened to know included the presentation of a three-story brownstone front to each of a committee of six members of the House, he found there was not one member in his seat; but, in the place of a few, there was a company of these remarkable Aye-ayes, responding duly to the call for a vote; but never a no among them.  No, no!

Now, your correspondent holds the deliberate opinion that, in several respects, these aforesaid small animals of Madagascar might be an improvement upon the average Pennsylvania legislators.  And, if your correspondent had to do with getting up the other one hundred and ninety bills, as he did the one hundred and ten, all right:  Otherwise, not.  How does PUNCHINELLO regard it?

Yours, LEGISLATOR.

* * * * *

An Augean Job.

PUNCHINELLO has telegraphed to Governor GEARY his approval of the “Sewage Utilization” bill at Harrisburg, on one condition:  that the first piece of work be finished up by the members of the Pennsylvania Legislature with their own hands; that work to be, to make up into decent manure, deodorized and disinfected, all bills passed at the late session of their House and Senate.  Since, however, complete deodorization is probably impossible, PUNCHINELLO advises also that the said members be required to cart all their stuff out to the Bad Lands of Nebraska, and remain there to make the best use of it; or else make a contract with Captain HALL to ship it and them to the Arctic regions at once.

* * * * *

On the Finances.

Says Crispin, “Did not somebody say it was BOUTWELL in the Treasury now?  A great mistake.  About well, to be sure!  When the newspaper men have 111-1/2 of gold, and I haven’t a round dollar!  Where did they get it?  And then the legal tender question.  I never asked but one tender question in all my life, and that was to SUSAN and she said, Yes.  And then we were legally married.  Nobody ought to ask such questions out loud; it’s not decent.  And fine answering an’t much better.  Financiering, is it?  Ah! well. Specious assumption, too; but that requires brass, and I want gold.  Meantime, who’s got a twenty-five cent note?”

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Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.