Ted Buckland

Ted Buckland
First appearance	"My First Day"
Created by	Bill Lawrence
Portrayed by	Sam Lloyd
Information
Gender	Male
Age	30's or 40's
Occupation	Lawyer
Title	Theodore Buckland, Esq
Family	Maryann (mother)

Theodore "Ted" Buckland, Esq., is a fictional character in the American sitcom Scrubs, played by Sam Lloyd.

Profile

Ted is Sacred Heart Hospital’s lawyer; however he is apparently so inept that the only advice he gives is "kill a patient and you're sued". Once referred to as the hospital's Sad Sack by Dr. Cox in "My Fishbowl", every insult can be seen to chip away at his little remaining self esteem. He is so accustomed to abuse that he reacts with surprise and disbelief when he receives even the slightest acknowledgment ("Oh good God! She knows [my name]. Am I awake?" or asking if it was him, when Turk questions who 'the man' is). He is prone to panic attacks and is often seen sweating ("flop sweat"). The episode "My Faith in Humanity" implies Ted has never won a case. Ted also says in one episode that he lost his hair in 8th grade, and often fantasizes about what his life would be like with hair.

Personality

Ted has considered suicide on countless occasions, even going so far as to stand on the edge of the hospital roof (at one point, he notes, doing so on a daily basis); on one occasion he actually fell. This was a mistake but he expressed relief on the way down. He survives due to the Janitor's collection of trash. Ted has described the only dream he ever has as "holding Kelso's head under the water until the last bubble goes... bloop." Kelso seems aware of how much Ted hates him, but knows he doesn't have the guts to do anything about it. In the first season Ted claims that his wife and family (potentially indicating that he has children) left him due to the stresses of his job. This occurred roughly five years before the start of the first season (Ted has been divorced eight years as of season 3's "My Rule of Thumb"). In season 4 ("My New Game"), Ted says that his ex-wife is now with his brother, who is nine inches shorter than Ted but wears a toupee. He lived with his mother (sleeping in the same bed) until the bank foreclosed on his house in "My Transition". Ted claims to suffer from stress-induced dyslexia, calling Dr. Kelso "Dr. Oslek" on one occasion. Once, in an attempt to help Janitor give the evil eye, he instead made what Janitor called "sad eye", then explained, "It's all I've got." Ted is part of an a cappella group, with three other non-medical employees from around the hospital, called "The Worthless Peons" (played by The Blanks, the real-life band of Sam Lloyd). Ted also attends Korean Singles Night at a local church with the Janitor. His other interests include biking and competing in triathlons, often training with friend, and fellow loser, Dr. Doug Murphy. He once tried to do stomach crunches on a machine in his office, which broke, leaving him hanging upside down for more than 24 hours.

Relationships

The Janitor willingly forms a 'Brain Trust' with Doug, The Todd and Ted, in an effort to further the Janitor's own goals. Ted has also been seen sitting with Nurse Roberts. There are also instances of Ted and Carla working together and comforting each other. Such an instance occurred early in the show when Ted and Carla sang to a comatose patient whose living will requested he hear a particular song by the band Poison every day. He has a disturbingly close relationship with his mother, with whom he lives. He said that his mother limits the amount of time he has in the bath, and has installed a camera in the bathroom to check up on him. Since his wife divorced him, for his brother, his love life has been practically non-existent. In the episode "My Rule of Thumb", however, he befriends and makes love to a terminally ill woman who wants to lose her virginity before dying. According to the woman, he was a "stallion" in bed. However, Ted is apparently reproductively sterile. He states, "My guys swim in circles; I think it's the bike riding." This fact has not been expanded on in any other episode. He did, however, make out with Danni Sullivan at Turk and Carla's wedding. This leads to ill-feelings between him and fellow Brain-Trust member Doug, whom Danni also made out with.