Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf

Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf
Born	April 20 1962(1962-04-20) Fall River, Massachusetts
Died	September 4 2001 (aged 39) Fall River, Massachusetts

Henry Joseph Nasiff Jr. (April 20, 1962 – September 4, 2001), better known as Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, appeared numerous times on The Howard Stern Show as a member of the show's Wack Pack. He began August 16, 1996 when he entered the studio of radio station WXRK (K-Rock) in New York City. As his nickname suggests, Nasiff was invariably inebriated during his radio appearances (even though Stern occupied the morning-drive timeslot) and had a sharp tongue for anyone who annoyed him, a category that often as not seemed to include everyone on earth. Despite constant admonitions not to curse over the airwaves, Hank's chronic intoxication rendered him incapable of containing his frequent obscene outbursts. Nasiff was born and lived in Fall River, Massachusetts. He was 4 ft 1 in (1.24 m) tall, and weighed 95 lb (43 kg/6.8 st). In 1998, People magazine ran an online poll to determine the most beautiful people in the world, where somebody facetiously entered Nasiff as a write-in candidate. Nasiff won the contest, receiving hundreds of thousands of votes. At the time the online poll was launched, People led voters to believe that it would influence the print magazine's annual listing of "the most beautiful people." People refused to allow online votes to influence the magazine results. The poll was configured so that users could vote multiple times, by deleting a cookie given from the site. Many contestants had scripts written that would allow users to vote repeatedly. Other unlikely candidates in that polls' top 10 included They Might Be Giants keyboardist John Linnell and wrestler Ric Flair. Here is an example of an e-mail sent around the Internet encouraging people to vote for Hank:

"Ok, People magazine has made the mistake of letting you vote for anyone as a most beautiful person of '98. Besides the regular list of stars, there is a box at the bottom of the list where you can enter a name that doesn't appear on the list. Well, some clever person made up a guy named "Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf" and had all his friends vote for him. His friends told their friends, etc, etc. Now Hank is FIFTH on the list!! He is less than 200 votes behind the #4 Kate Winslet, and only about 2000 behind Leonardo DeCraprio. With everyone's help, Leo can be knocked off.
Let's show the world what a farce beauty contests are, GO HANK!!"

Nasiff had a brief acting career, with parts ranging from God (Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger Part 4) to Mini-Devil (Bikini Bandits Go To Hell). He also appeared in the independent films Shoeshine Boys and Pint Fiction a dwarf version of Pulp Fiction. Nasiff also appeared in a 2001 episode of the Stern produced Son of the Beach television show (It's a Nude, Nude, Nude, Nude World). As a popular member of The Wack Pack, Nasiff parlayed his Stern Show exposure into personal appearances all over the country, mostly strip clubs and bachelor parties, where he would, invariably, get drunk and insult party-goers, much to their delight. Nasiff's success waned once Beetlejuice emerged on the scene, which led to a rivalry between the two which culminated in several on-air confrontations. The two would berate and threaten each other, entertaining Stern's fans but ultimately never doing more than arguing. Upon learning of Hank's death, Beetlejuice cried profusely, calling him "my friend." Hank knew a great deal of rock & roll trivia and competed on the Stern Show against producer Gary Dell'Abate. After Hank won one competition on April 25, 2001, the intoxicated, diminutive celebrity announced he was sleepy, laid down on the floor of the radio studio, and slept. Howard announced "Gary, you lost to this mess." Hank's favorite drink was vodka, which he usually swigged from a soda bottle. In November 2000, Hank was dispatched in a bunny suit to taunt the magician David Blaine as Blaine was encased in a block of ice for his stunt "Frozen in Time." The same month, Nasiff suffered a seizure while making an appearance for J&B scotch at a bar in Los Angeles. Hank was found dead in his home in Fall River on September 4, 2001. Stern, cast and crew, The Wack Pack, and fans were in deep mourning until interrupted by the September 11, 2001 attacks; prior to the attacks, a large impromptu memorial had been erected outside WXRK by Stern's and Hank's fans. Medical experts suggest that what led to Nassif's death was a combination of cirrhosis of the liver and internal organ compression due to his stunted height. According to his death certificate, Nasiff died of a seizure disorder. Other significant conditions contributing to his death were alcohol abuse and chondrodystrophy. Hank's first-ever appearance was ranked as #7 in the Howard Stern's All-Request special show, broadcast on Sirius on September 9, 2006.

Memorable quotes

• "Go have sex with Jesus Christ, you faggot!" - Howard Stern show
• "Go have sex with your mother!" - Howard Stern show (sometimes followed by "wi-i-i-imp")
• "I could have a better conversation with a corpse!" - Howard Stern show (regarding Beetlejuice)
• "I got class. You don't even have an ass." - Howard Stern show
• "I like to drink to take the edge off." - Howard Stern show
• "I'm not a midget. I'm a dwarf, you asshole!"' - Howard Stern show
• "I'm not drunk. I've just been drinkin'." - Howard Stern show
• "Politicians have the brain of a retarded quahog with brain damage." - Howard Stern show
• "Your ancestors used to work for my ancestors." - Howard Stern show (in a fight with Beetlejuice)

See also

• Howard Stern
• The Wack Pack
• Beetlejuice (entertainer)

External links

• Hank Nastiff (The Angry, Drunken Dwarf) (1962-2001) at the Yahoo! Directory
• "An Unexpected Connection," by Dan Kennedy, Unitarian Universalist World, March/April 2002