| “Bells” | |||||||
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| Blackadder episode | |||||||
 Bob and Blackadder |
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| Episode no. | Season 2 Episode 1 |
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| Written by | Ben Elton Richard Curtis |
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| Directed by | Mandie Fletcher | ||||||
| Guest stars | Rik Mayall Gabrielle Glaister John Grillo Edward Jewesbury Barbara Miller Young |
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| Original airdate | January 9, 1986 | ||||||
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| List of Blackadder episodes | |||||||
"Bells" is the first episode of the BBC sitcom Blackadder II, the second series of Blackadder, which was set in Elizabethan England from 1558 to 1603.
Plot
Kate, an attractive young woman, is attempting to comfort her father for her mother's death. Her father replies that Kate's mother is not dead but has run off with her uncle, and that it's their poverty that has him so upset. He suggests that Kate become a prostitute to solve their money troubles. Kate refuses indignantly and decides to go to London to seek her fortune, over her father's objections ("Why walk all the way to London when you can make a fortune lying on your back?!") Lord Blackadder is at home, target practicing with his bow and arrow (his servant, Baldrick, is holding the target). Hanger-on Lord Percy enters and announces that he is in love with Jane Harrington. Blackadder asks, "Jane 'Bury Me in a Y-Shaped Coffin' Harrington?" and then remarks casually that he and Baldrick had both slept with her, which throws Percy's aim off and he shoots Baldrick: Baldrick Not to worry, my Lord, the arrow didn't in fact enter my body.
Blackadder Oh good.
Baldrick No, by a thousand to one chance my willy got in the way.
Blackadder Extraordinary.
Baldrick And I only just put it there. But now, I will leave it there forever.
Blackadder That so Baldrick? It can be your lucky willy.
Baldrick Yes, my Lord. Years from now I'll show it to my grandchildren.
Kate enters, disguised as a boy, introduces herself as "Bob," and asks to be accepted into Blackadder's service. Blackadder hires her on the spot. Over the next few weeks Lord Blackadder finds himself strangely attracted to his new servant and spends a great deal of time with "Bob". Lord Melchett and the Queen are concerned by this, and even Blackadder himself begins to worry after he nearly kisses "Bob" during a friendly tussle. He seeks advice from a doctor, who prescribes leeches,[1] and (on Baldrick's advice) consults the Wise Woman, who gives him three options: 1) kill Bob; 2) commit suicide; or 3) go ahead and sleep with Bob but to ensure no one ever finds out, kill everyone in the entire world. With no other options Blackadder orders Bob out of his service, but the truth is revealed (along with "Bob's" breasts) and after a very brief sexual encounter Blackadder asks Bob/Kate to marry him. She accepts, and the Queen consents, after being reassured that Kate's nose isn't prettier than hers. Baldrick is chosen as Kate's bridesmaid (Lord Percy, unable to recognize Baldrick in a dress, kisses him). Edmund's choice for best man is his school chum, Lord Flashheart, "the best sword, the best shot, the best sailor and the best kisser in the Kingdom," much to Percy's disappointment. The wedding however does not go as smoothly as planned. Edmund bribes Kate's father to leave before anyone sees him, and Lord Flashheart doesn't show up. With no best man Blackadder reluctantly asks Percy to fill in. At that moment Flashheart crashes through the roof, throws Percy out, and begins chatting up every woman in the room, including Nursie ("Nursie! I like it firm and fruity!") and Baldrick ("Hey, Bridesmaid, like the beard!"). He is quite taken with "Bob" and proceeds to steal her from Blackadder. The two of them appear wearing each others clothing, announce they are running away together, set off a bomb, and disappear. Melchett reminds Edmund that it is customary in these situations for the groom to marry the bridesmaid; a suggestion positively received by Baldrick.
Comic Relief
In 1993, in conjunction with Comic Relief, this episode was given away free on cassette tape with boxes of PG Tips tea. [2]
