"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage." —"Selections from the Allen Notebooks," page 8

"How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not 'the thing with feathers.' The thing with features has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich." —"Selections from the Allen Notebooks," page 9

"C.N. Jerome, the psychic, of Newport, Rhode Island, claims he can guess any card being thought of by a squirrel." —"Examining Psychic Phenomena," page 17

"The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New Jersey." —"A Guide to Some of the Lesser Ballets," page 19

"Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it." —"The Scrolls," page 26

"Everything in the house has been made to...