The book begins with a small series of short, first person excerpts from what purports to be Woody Allen's secret journal. Woody is paranoid and can't sleep. He has health problems. He shares a story idea about a parrot who becomes Secretary of Agriculture. He worries about his girlfriend, whom he knows only as "W." He has failed at suicide and asks absurd questions about the afterlife. His brother beats him with a pig bladder. He is wracked with guilt for hating his father who wore a gas mask to his first play.
Woody's nephew has some strange ailment and is covered in feathers. Woody decides to break off his engagement with W. He is plagued by doubts about God because of cruel and silly accidents. He is convinced that.....
