"This dude had on one of those monochromatic tie-and-shirt thingies, like a TV talk show host or mafioso might wear."
February 11, page 4

"The Czar's subjects did kind of lose respect for him because he and his wife were listening to the advice of a dude who collected hair from virgins as a hobby."
February 11, page 5

"I wish Lilly wouldn't ask me if I'm on crack in front of her brother. I mean, I know Michael knows I don't use drugs. But it's like, totally rude."
February 12, page 19

"I mean have I ever given you a Valentine? Except when some dumb teacher MADE us sit there and make Valentines, because it meant she could sneak off for half an hour to smoke while we were going busywork, another example of how inferior our educational system is to the rest of the world's."
February 12, page 22

"'God, I can't WAIT until...