The following version of this book was used to create this study guide: Lindsey, Ruthie. There I Am. Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon and Schuster, Inc. First Edition, 2020.

The book is written in present-tense, and in a poetic style that considers the meaning of the events described in language that is often more image-based than literal.

In a Preface, the author greets the reader, and warns that some of what she says later in the book might not be specifically or explicitly accurate in terms of facts, but is true in terms of broader and deeper meaning. She also urges the reader to apply what can be understood from reading her story to their own lives, and their own journeys. Then, in a Prologue, the author describes the aftermath of being injured in some sort of accident, circumstances that mark a particular point of beginning for her, and for the story she has to tell.

In the first two chapters, the author describes her childhood. She portrays her close relationship with her father, her love of the life she had on the family farm in Louisiana, and how that life included a love of Jesus, a love of dancing, and a love of being loved by people around her. In the third chapter, and continuing to write in present-tense, the author goes into more detail about the life-changing experience first referenced in the Prologue – specifically, an automobile accident in which she experiences a broken neck and other injuries. As a result of what happens to her neck, she undergoes a series of extremely painful surgeries, but eventually recovers enough to be sent home and start the process of resuming her life.

In the next few chapters, the author describes her post-accident experiences with education, with falling in love, and engaging in a sexual relationship. The latter two, she says, are associated with joy, in that she and the man involved, a musician named Jack, have a deep and immediate connection. They are also associated, however, with shame, in that both the author and Jack are ere essentially conservative in their perspectives on sex and relationships. When they marry, however, that shame eases, along with their desire for each other.

At one point relatively early in her marriage, the author experiences debilitating pain that, many doctors and tests and hospitalizations and medications later, is revealed to be the result of a complication from the surgery following her accident. She delays getting a corrected procedure done out of fear, but eventually goes through a second surgery, and for a while the pain is eased. In the meantime, the author’s father dies suddenly, her reliance on pain medication increases, attempts at a career became stalled, and she and Jack grow further apart.

Eventually, the author reaches a point at which she has become so desperately dependent on her medications that she feels a need to take drastic measures to reclaim her life. As she reduces her dependence on medication and fulfills more of her personal needs and goals, she and Jack continue to distance themselves from each other. When he leaves their marriage within a month of their purchasing a new house, the author is left on her own, but after a brief relapse into her dependencies, continues the process of rebuilding her life.

After trying several different sorts of psychological and spiritual treatment, after affirming encounters with several persons, and after building an online presence that eventually becomes as much of a dependence as pills once were, the author comes to a place of being reconciled to her pain and her losses. She and Jack divorce, she reveals her truths to her online community, and goes further into the process of living in her truth, as opposed to within an armor of secrets and false identity. The book concludes with an Epilogue, in which the author urges readers to find their own path to embracing their suffering, and moving forward in healing and recovery.