Summary

“Not Going to Him” inhabits a space of negation, describing the actions the speaker does not take, specifically her refusal to visit her husband (either physically or in memory): “it is what I do now: not go, not / see or touch” (25). This produces tension, as the speaker attempts to inflict rigorous self-control, and yet finds herself returning to the visceral memory of his body. The poem concludes by referring to the collection’s theme of promises kept and broken, describing their separation as “a-life-do-us-part,” a revision of marital vows (25).

In “Pain I Did Not,” the speaker compares her position to actual widows and loved ones of the deceased, contrasting the types of loss instigated by separation and divorce (versus mortality). Whereas society depicts the survivors of dead loved ones as heros and martyrs, the speaker argues for the particular cruelty of being left...