Summary

Lena had one serious girl crush. She doesn’t like the term especially since she has a gay sister. Lena had a “crush” on An Chu in the third grade. Looking back on it, An Chu may have been gay. They never spoke but Lena never took her eyes off An when she was around. The intimacy that Lena fantasized about with An was sharing secrets with each other.

Lena never wanted to be with women; she wanted to be them. She admired the career and sophistication of other women. Two types of women inspire envy in Lena: the ebullient woman, happy from morning until night and the other is the beautiful depressive, gorgeous but oh-so-sad. She is also envious of men who so easily assume their professional pursuits – no apologies or twisting themselves into pretzels.

In eighth grade, Lena’s class...