The Cult Summary

Jon Stewart imagines himself as a "persuasive leader of a messianic cult," operating out of his rent-controlled one-bedroom apartment. He has foretold that Captain Crunch will spring to life from his cereal box and take the members to eternal bliss. Four minutes before the miracle, he speaks with his enthusiastic lieutenants, Johnson and McShane. Stewart is distracted by such mundane matters as pollen count and them emptying the dishwasher. The Captain had been "an all-powerful, benevolent leader" until one day a leprechaun accuses him of stealing his Lucky Charms and puts a spell on him until his righteous followers can pull the sword from the rock. The lieutenants nitpick at details of the legend.

As the countdown begins, Stewart tries to slip out a window but is caught. At 4:02, he claims not to have factored in Daylight Saving Time, gaining 58 minutes...