"The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used it discredit her authority." Chap. 1, Go Carolina, p. 7

"I'd always thought of Mister Mancini as a blowhard, a pocket playboy, but watching him dip his hamburger into a sad puddle of mayonnaise, I broadened my view and came to see him as a wee outsider, a misfit whose take-it-or-leave-it attitude had left him all alone." Chap. 2, Giant Dreams, Midget Abilities, p. 27

"It was the artist's duty to find the appropriate objects, and the audience's job to decipher meaning. If the piece failed to work, it was their fault, not yours." Chap. 4, Twelve Moments in the Life of the Artist, p. 52

"I was given two weeks to prepare, a period I spent searching for a briefcase and standing before my full-length mirror, repeating the words, "Hello, class, my name is Mr. Sedaris." Chap. 7, The Learning Curve...