Miss Chrissy Samson

Miss Samson is Sedaris's fifth-grade speech therapist. She is clever, often trying to trick Sedaris into pronouncing words that will demonstrate his lisp. Her therapy sessions are a nuisance and embarrassment to Sedaris so he works diligently at developing a new vocabulary to avoid using S-words. In hindsight, these efforts may have contributed to Sedaris's future as a writer.

Miss Samson waits until her last session with Sedaris to share some friendly banter. She reveals that she has a fiancé who is in Vietnam, but is from Roanoke, Virginia. She has a grandmother in Asheville who she will spend Christmas with while her fiancé is overseas. She is also a college football fan, willing to make the drive from Asheville to Jacksonville after the holidays to watch Florida play Tennessee in the Gator Bowl.

The cunning Miss Samson shares these personal tidbits because she takes her...