Sedaris finds himself suffering from insomnia, thinking that he would like to make a sweater for his alarm clock to cover up the numbers on the clock as the minutes tick by. Sedaris tells of his methods of getting to sleep in the past. He rocked himself to sleep until he was twenty. In the subsequent twenty-two years sleep came very easy, especially after several drinks and a bit of marijuana. In fact, sleep came so easy that he would find himself petting the cat one minute and would awake eight hours later on the floor.
After giving up drugs and alcohol, Sedaris finds that his right hand, being so used always having a drink in it, has a mind of its own. Thus, Sedaris searches out a new non-alcoholic.....
