Touchwood Senior and his wife, Mistress Touchwood, have decided to live apart. Touchwood Senior's strong sexual urges have produced many children but little money. His solution is to have his wife move out so that he can concentrate on making money. His wife agrees to move in with her uncle. Touchwood Senior thanks her for being such an understanding wife and promises to visit her often.
After Mistress Touchwood exits, Touchwood Senior sings the praises of both his wife and the institution of marriage. However, he considers it unfortunate that he has produced so many illegitimate children from his numerous liaisons. He is particularly fond of country girls; every harvest season he produces another illegitimate child. Last harvest alone, he had no fewer than seven women pregnant within three weeks of one.....
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