Marriage and Family—Central Asia

Know this topic well? Help others and get FREE products!

"A person separated from the family will be eaten by wolves." This Central Asian proverb reveals much about the pervasive belief system in this region regarding the importance of families and the need for members to remain interconnected. The central imperative to preserve the family unit is also seen in various marriage practices, such as giving kalym (bride wealth) and dowry, bride stealing, and the appointment of guardian parents for newlyweds.

Prior to Soviet collectivization in the 1920s, the economic demands of pastoral nomadism as practiced in parts of Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan required alliances among the patrilineal kinship groups to maintain grazing pastures and water rights for their horses, sheep, or cattle. Solidifying economic relationships with neighboring tribes was accomplished through arranged exogamous marriages. These agreements formed the foundation of economic relations that often lasted for several generations, since new wives had to originate from their mother's tribal group. Members of these two groups were expected to share grazing lands and to protect one another's animals from raids by neighboring tribes. Often matchmakers arranged marriages between tribal groups prior to the births of children. Families honored the agreements even in the event of the death of a husband, when the customary law of levirate required that a brother or another relative marry the widow. When a wife died, the children of that marriage remained with their father. The husband was free to remarry.

In Central Asia the good of the family is considered a higher priority than the good of an individual, therefore traditional marriages are based more on productive relations between the families than on the bride and groom themselves. In the early twentieth century, in accordance with Islamic and customary laws, marriages typically were arranged by close relatives or a matchmaker. A girl might marry at the age of nine, and a man might have up to four wives if he could support each wife equally. The Soviet laws introduced in the 1920s prohibited girls from marrying before they were sixteen years of age and permitted men to have only one wife.

Following the dissolution of the Soviet Union, the five individual governments of Central Asia took over legal regulation of matrimonial relations. Nevertheless, the customary practices of marriage arrangements and the dowry and kalym traditions bestow upon the bride greater status and increased security over official marriage registration. As a practical result the Muslim traditional marriage remains of far greater importance than the state-granted contractual marriage.

Giving kalym and dowry is among the more enduring marriage practices in spite of Soviet laws that once opposed it. In pre-Soviet times kalym was not only a reflection of highly developed property relations among Central Asians but also a sign of wealth, influence, and prestige. Cattle originally were central in the kalym, which was given to the bride's tribe instead of directly to the father of the bride. The size of the kalym depends to a large extent on the social and material position of the groom's family. For many families in rural regions, kalym consists of cash and animals (sheep or horses) as well as gifts of fabric, warm coats, hats, boots, and blankets to every member of the woman's extended family. The worth of the dowry is often based on the size of kalym. Since kalym is given at the time of engagement, it often assists the bride's family in preparing the dowry, even though the collection of a dowry begins when a female child is born.

Kalym and dowry gifts have significantly increased in value since 1991, when Soviet constraints were removed. By 1994 the wedding itself was estimated to cost between $1,000 and $5,000, depending on the economic status of the family. Given the low salary of the average Central Asian ($35 per month according to 1999 figures), the costs associated with this ritual often leave a family in debt.

With the changing economic conditions, paying kalym to the bride's family has become excessively burdensome. Many men have chosen to "steal a bride" instead, which does not involve kalym and consequently costs a family much less money. Bride stealing is also an alternative when a bride's relatives are uncooperative or when the parents of both the bride and groom oppose the marriage.

In the rural regions bride stealing has long been a common feature of marriage agreements. Even though it is illegal, perpetrators are rarely brought to court since it brings only additional disgrace to the bride's family. Stolen brides are expected to capitulate so as not to shame their relatives.

Bride stealing typically occurs when a family is not able to pay the high price of kalym, so an agreement is made to "steal" the girl. Afterward the groom's father asks the bride's father to pardon his son. Settlements usually include a smaller fee than would be expected with the payment of kalym.

Although bride stealing was illegal during the Soviet period, it nevertheless occurred, especially in the rural villages. Since 1991 the practice has experienced a resurgence. The Kyrgyz historian Anara Tabyshalieva has estimated that one in five marriages involves bride stealing and attributes the increase, especially in the cities, to people considering it a fashionable fad signifying that the bride is a good Muslim.

The practice of arranging guardian parents (okul apa and okul ata in Kyrgyz) for the newly married is highly important to Central Asian marriages. In this custom the parents of the groom arrange for an established married couple to act as sponsors, confidants, and mentors to the newlyweds. The practice reflects the societal belief that it is better for the couple to take their marital problems to someone other than their own parents. It also expresses the importance of maintaining positive relations between the families of the bride and groom.

According to the tradition, after the guardian parents have been identified it is left up to the young couple to contact them. If the new couple makes no contact, it is just a formal process, and no gifts are exchanged. But if the young couple seeks out the guardian parents, the relationship serves two aims. First, the guardian parents provide a good role model for the couple, and second, the guardian parents strengthen ties between unrelated families.

The guardian parent relationship is seldom discussed among Central Asians, as it is understood to be a private and confidential relationship. In part it is kept confidential also because it was once considered anti-communist to have guardian parents.

In summary, marriage practices in Central Asia must be considered more as building alliances between families than as creating unions of two individuals. Although formal laws regarding marriages exist, many customary regulations take precedence over the state institution of marriage. The giving of kalym and dowry is still paramount for forging family alliances through marriage, even though they are not legal. Similarly, the old custom of bride stealing has been rejuvenated in post-Soviet times due to the excessive costs of traditional weddings. Nevertheless, the aim remains the same, that is, to preserve the institution of marriage not only for the individuals but also for the respective families. Therefore, the guardian parent custom plays a unique role in protecting family alliances through the preservation of the marriage.

Abramzon, Saul M. (1978) "Family-Group, Family, and Individual Property Categories among Nomads." In The Nomadic Alternative: Modes and Models of Interaction in the African-Asian Deserts and Steppes, edited by Wolfgang Weissleder. The Hague, Netherlands: Mouton, 179–188.

Argynbaev, Kh. (1978) "Marriage and Marriage Rites among the Kazakhs in the Nineteenth and Early Twentieth Centuries." In The Nomadic Alternative: Modes and Models of Interaction in the African-Asian Deserts and Steppes, edited by Wolfgang Weissleder. The Hague, Netherlands: Mouton, 331–342.

Brown, Bess. (1988) "The High Cost of Getting Married in Central Asia." In Radio Liberty Research. Munich, Germany: Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty.

Tabyshalieva, Anara. (1995) "Kultyrno-religioznie traditcsii i polozhenie zhenschin" (Cultural-Religious Traditions and Roles of Women). In Zhenshchiny Kyrgyzstana: Traditsii I novaia real'nost' (Women of Kyrgyzstan: Tradition and Reality), edited by E. Shukurov. Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan: Uchkun, 12–29, 87–89.

This is the complete article, containing 1,331 words (approx. 4 pages at 300 words per page).