I Never Promised You a Rose Garden Chapter 12
Dr. Fried brings up Deborah's volcano metaphor for her illness and uses it to show Deborah that she created Yr as a symptom of her sickness. The discussion leads to talking about Pop's pretentious expectations for Deborah. He always told her that she was special, and he expected her to be his vengeance against the shame of his early poverty. Her cleverness and sarcasm might have fooled the adults who knew her, but the kids her age weren't impressed. She was ostracized for her religion, and she realized that the specialness that her grandfather always said she had was also the difference that alienated her from other children.
Deborah is descending into the Pit and she describes the gray bars that block her vision when she is enduring the punishment. There is someone in white that offers her food that she doesn't eat and there is a lonely coldness, too. Dr. Fried connects the description with the time during Deborah's childhood when her mother went away after miscarrying twins. She left Deborah with a nurse, and that is the memory that Deborah carries with her along with a feeling of abandonment. Dwelling on the memory for so long has given it greater emphasis than similar memories have for other people. Deborah is relieved to find the source of the partial-blindness of the Pit. Dr. Fried is so happy at her progress, that she touches Deborah on the arm, and it frightens the girl. Deborah looks down at her arm where Dr. Fried touched it and imagines that the hand of all that insight and power has burned her.