Emma Chapter 48
Now that somebody else wanted him, Emma was able to realize how much Mr. Knightley's attention meant to her. She did not always deserve his attention and guidance, but she always received it. Emma did not think he loved her, she just hoped he did not love Harriet. If he could just marry no one, she would be happy. Emma kept Harriet away for a few days, and received some distraction from a visit by Mrs. Weston. She had just visited with Jane Fairfax, who was very relieved to have met with so friendly a Mrs. Weston. Miss Fairfax apologized, and all was forgiven. She strongly blames herself, and feels great remorse. Her conscious kept her in poor spirits, and she feared she was poor company. She spoke of Miss Woodhouse's kindnesses in a way that made Emma quite embarrassed. Emma realized that jealousy had kept her from befriending Jane Fairfax, and she was ashamed at her behavior.
It was a gray day, and Emma and her father were in poor spirits. Emma remembered how Mr. Knightley would usually visit at such times, and she missed her friend. The changes likely to take place in Highbury Emma did not look to with anticipation. Mrs. Weston was pregnant, and a new baby would certainly keep her away from Hartfield. Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax would likely leave, and worst of all, Mr. Knightley would no longer be free to associate with them as he had. His time would belong to his wife, and his many visits would be no more. Emma felt this loss most of all, and knowing her friend would have his attention, and that she had caused it, made her miserable. She could gain comfort only from
"the resolution of her own better conduct, and the hope that, however inferior in spirit and gaiety might be the following and every future winter of her life to the past, it would yet find her more rational, more acquainted with herself, and leave her less to regret when it were gone." Chapter 48, pg. 388