Crime and Punishment Chapter 38
That same day, Raskolnikov goes to visit his mother. The mother shows him his crime article. The mother rambles on about how great he will become someday. She begins to cry. Raskolnikov asks her whether she will love him, whatever may happen. He tells her that he loves her more than himself. He tells her he is going away somewhere and asks that she pray for him. They embrace, both in tears. The mother reminds the son about the days when they would embrace and weep over his father's grave. She asks if where he is going is far. Very far, comes the reply. He promises to visit again soon.
At his doorway, he finds Dounia waiting for him. He admits to her that last night, he had considered ending it all at the Neva. Dounia asks if he still has faith in life. He tells her of his visit with his mother, and how she seemed to understand nearly everything. Dounia asks if he is willing to suffer. Raskolnikov is willing, but there is still a sense of pride in his statement. Dounia throws her arms around him, hoping for some hint of repentance. But Raskonikov is hardened, admitting that the only reason he is turning himself in is because he is a coward and not a man. Dounia is disheartened at his stubbornness. Raskolnikov commands Dounia to go back home to comfort their mother. As they part, Raskonikov wonders once more if it is worth suffering, only to humble himself before worthless people, criminals and idiots.