Vibe.com, July 25th, 2003
Beyoncé lies twisted on the floor. It's after midnight, and she's finally back at London's chic Sanderson Hotel after an explosive Destiny's Child performance at Wembley Arena in front of more than 11,000 screaming fans. Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams have retreated to their rooms, eager to crash before another hectic day of interviews, a signing for their new book, Soul Survivors: The Official Autobiography of Destiny's Child, and still one more sold-out show. But Miss Beyoncé Giselle Knowles, 21, has been talking about taking a yoga class for months. Her back and knees are hurting after the performance, and she thinks maybe some hard-core stretching will help. n "Now move the buttock flesh over so you can be on your sit bones," says Trevor Iszatt, a yoga teacher, as he guides her from a hamstring stretch into a half-lotus position.
They move through sun salutations and downward-facing dogs. Every time the instructor demonstrates a complicated maneuver, Beyoncé, dressed in a tank top and leggings with embroidered flowers on the seat, gives him a confused look, then assumes the position with an ease that surprises him. "You must have done this in a past life, love," he says. "You're quite flexible." After doing a shoulder stand like a pro, Beyoncé lies on the floor in the corpse pose, which looks exactly how it sounds: relaxing flat on her back, palms turned upward, until the pressures of superstardom melt away. At the end of the hour-long session, she's astounded by her calm state. "It's like self-massage," she whispers, sounding very sleepy. "I needed to do that, for real."
Leave it to a Virgo to ace her first yoga experience. It seems perfectionism and an uncanny ability to succeed characterize everything she does. Worldwide commercial success for her group, Destiny's Child, with domestic and international sales of 30 million? Check. First black woman to win an ASCAP Award for Songwriter of the Year? Check. In-demand actress, with star-vehicle Austin Powers in Goldmember grossing $71.5 million its first weekend? Checkmate. "She's something like a phenomenon," says Kim Burse, 34, director of A&R; at Music World, who was instrumental in getting Destiny's Child signed to Columbia in 1996. "Beyoncé has the ability to do a movie, do a group project, then come back and do her own thing or whatever she chooses," says Erik Bradley, music director at WBBM, Chicago's most listened to radio station. "She is a star of stars."
There's something wrong with this picture, however. Between the strife generated by her group's personnel changes and the reported allegations that her father and manager, Mathew Knowles, was using drugs and consorting with prostitutes, Beyoncé's true personality has gotten lost in the storm. But as she prepares her yet-untitled solo debut album, due out next year, she's looking forward to revealing more of herself as an individual. And though she's excited, she's also hella scared.
Among other things, not having her girls by her side means no one has her back when she can't remember lyrics or important names in interviews. "I already know that when I get nervous, I forget and blank out completely," she says. "That's the advantage of being in a group-where one person is weak, the other is strong." This is more than evident backstage before the Wembley show, when British Sony executives present the troupe with a plaque recognizing Survivor's triple-platinum sales in the U.K. When it's time for the girls to say a few words, Beyoncé's face is overcome by fright. Kelly graciously gives thanks, easily rattling off an extremely long list of names, while Michelle cracks jokes, to the delight of label employees.
For Beyoncé, the experience is a vivid reminder that Destiny's Child is, first and last, a partnership-even with Beyoncés upcoming album, Michelle's Heart to Yours, and Kelly's successful single with Nelly, "Dilemma." "If nothing happens with our solo records, there's always Destiny's Child," says Beyoncé. "And if something happens with our records, there's still Destiny's Child."
Five albums deep, the Houston-based trio is a pop force, and their longevity is due in no small part to Beyoncé's approach to songwriting. Her lyrics deliver what she feels her young, mostly female listeners need and want to hear: words of wisdom about attaining self-sufficiency, dropping deadbeat boyfriends, and turning the other cheek to vicious jealousy. With their girl-power outlook and blockbuster hits such as "Bills, Bills, Bills," "Bootylicious," and "Survivor" burning up the charts-Guinness World Records cites them as the girl group with the longest time at No. 1 on the U.S. singles chart (for "Independent Women Part 1")-the group has attained superstar status. But at the end of the day, they're not superhuman. "We make mistakes and don't survive everything," Beyoncé says matter-of-factly. "With my record, I want people to get a better feel for who I am."
Indeed, the girl is definitely more bohemian hippie chick than bootylicious diva. Don't let the fabulous first name fool you. It's simply her mom's maiden name, and those close to Beyoncé just call her B. Even now, you're likely to find her in a customized T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, laughing at some silly joke. Things like smelling fried chicken in the air while enjoying a drive around London's ghetto neighborhoods make her smile. Even before she got the role of Foxxy Cleopatra in the Austin Powers movie, she made the decision to stop relaxing her hair and ease up on the makeup. However, the natural tresses can be overwhelming-she's got a very full head of hair. "I wake up looking like a crackhead," she says laughing. "I don't know if I can keep it up."
Ever since she was a little girl, Beyoncé says, she always had a little bit of gypsy in her; she loved all things creative, especially designing clothes and drawing. When she started filming Goldmember in Los Angeles in January, Beyoncé decided to revisit these interests and try painting in oil. But when she got back from a trip to the art-supply store, she had to laugh. "I'm like, Well, what is wrong with me? Why I gotta go and get the biggest canvas and the hardest kind of paint?" she says. Still, she produced her first work, an abstract image of a woman with an Afro, and has since completed several more. While she creates these images, she loves to listen to jazz, especially Miles Davis, whom she discovered only last year. Shuggie Otis is another recent music find, and even Aretha Franklin records have taken on new meaning for her. "I've always loved Aretha, but now I understand the lyrics to her songs," she says. "I'm like, Now I feel you exactly, because that's how I feel!"
Beyoncé is finding out things about herself she wishes she had learned years earlier. "Because I grew up in Houston, where the radio and culture are different, I missed out on a lot," she says. Seeing the world, and especially living in Los Angeles while filming MTV's Carmen: A Hip Hopera, opened her to new possibilities. Now she wants to master yoga, live in Jamaica, and learn to sing in Arabic. "All those things are beautiful to me, so wonderful," says Beyoncé. "And I just want to put all of that into my music."
Because of these newfound passions, she feels that doing a solo album à la Destiny's Child-with the trademark hooks, aggressive lyrics, and danceable hip hop beats-would be ridiculous. "I don't want to do traditional R&B; for my album," she says. "I want to grow as a writer; I need a challenge." So she has decided to record a soul album in the spirit of Aretha and James Brown from the '70s. Not only will it reflect her love for live instruments and interesting chord changes, the music will map her experiences and emotions. "It will be like a testimonial, a journal," she says. And she plans to include more intro spective ballads than the typical Destiny's Child disc, as well as tap fresh producer talent. "There are so many great people working out of their basements who are hungry," she says. Although there will be heavy hitters on her tracks, including the Neptunes, she wants to mix it up. "You just don't want your stuff to sound like everybody else's."
Columbia plans to release Beyoncé's second solo single (not yet titled) in September, followed by a complete album in early 2003. The CD could provide fodder for the haters who believed that a Beyoncé solo record was the plan all along-that the group was just a front, a vehicle that would allow her to stand out while her father cashed in. And despite Beyoncé's superstar status and highly visible video promotion, her single on the Goldmember soundtrack, "Work It Out," debuted at No. 49 on the Billboard dance chart-a relatively tepid beginning for a highly anticipated solo career. "It took me a minute to get used to; it was very different," concedes Bradley. "But my program director and I feel the song has potential."
Beyoncé gives Destiny's Child credit for providing her the foundation and courage she needed to even consider branching out on her own. "When we first got our deal, the label said I needed to get a personality because I wouldn't talk," she says.
Growing up, Beyoncé was hobbled by that shyness; classmates at St. Mary's Montessori School, a Catholic school in Houston, didn't even know she could sing. Dance teacher Darlette Johnson remembers Beyoncé being petrified before school performances. "She would literally have tears in her eyes," she recalls. "I would have to hold on to her and tell her, It's okay, take deep breaths. But then that child would go onstage and something would come over her. That 6-year-old could sing like a woman." But Beyoncé's success didn't curb her self-consciousness. "I've always been the type of person who cares so much about what everybody thinks, to the point where it was kind of sick," she says. "Like it messed with my head, my self-esteem."
Even today, being Beyoncé requires a really thick skin. Those who envy or hate her don't conceal their feelings, and she tries not to let it get to her. Her decision to stop relaxing her hair has prompted harsh words. "I've gotten some crazy comments," she says. "People just say, 'I hate your hair,' 'It's ugly,' 'What's wrong with you?'" She recalls going through airport security recently, wearing a warm-up suit, tennis shoes, and hat for a grueling 12-hour flight. The baggage screener said to her, "What are you wearing? You don't look nothing like on TV." After that, Beyoncé decided to put a little effort into her next travel outfit. "I wasn't done up, but I looked better, had on some heels," she says. Of course, it didn't matter. "They were like, 'Look at her, walking through the airport with heels on, she think she cute.' That's when I realized that it wasn't me. They just have problems, and there's nothing I can do to satisfy them." Still, the mean-spiritedness can cut deep. "But I don't want no pity party," she says, "because we knew it would be like this sometimes."
Filming Carmen two years ago in Los Angeles helped to pull Beyoncé out of her shell. At 19, she found herself living and working on her own for the first time. Until then, she had led a sheltered existence; she had spent only a few months in a regular high school and received private tutoring once Destiny's Child got their first, short-lived deal with Elektra in 1995. On the set, that isolation caught up with her: Unlike the fiery femme fatale she played, Beyoncé lacked social skills. Interacting with cast and crew was awkward. Even simple decisions, like ordering meals, were a challenge. "All my life, because I was in a group, I've been taught to compromise. Someone says, 'What do you want to eat?' My first instinct is to ask, What y'all want to eat? Okay, this is what we want."
While filming Carmen, she finally found out what kinds of foods she favored (sushi and organic fruit) and even went to a shooting range. "I learned something about myself outside of Destiny's Child," says Beyoncé. "Movies are my college, my time to go and discover."
From the profile she's building as an actress, that process of self-discovery isn't likely to end soon. After getting strong reviews for her performance as Carmen, she landed the part of Austin Powers's butt-whupping sidekick in Goldmember. The film's producers, who had auditioned damn near every black actress in Hollywood, contacted Beyoncé about trying out for the role. She held her own against costar Mike Myers's comic antics-but it wasn't easy. "He's crazy-it was hard not to laugh all the time," she says. Now, she's playing a jazz singer opposite Cuba Gooding Jr. in the musical comedy The Fighting Temptations. With a string of luscious, leading-lady roles on her résumé, she's sealing her diamond status as a sex symbol.
So it's no surprise that rumors abound about rappers like Mos Def, Nelly, and Jay-Z trying to holler at Beyoncé. But if anyone's sending his manager to ask if he can escort her to an award show or premiere, forget it. "Very few celebrities have taken the time to talk to me before they try to fly me out somewhere or give me gifts," she says. "Telling people they like me, but we've never had a conversation? That's a big turnoff." Besides, she adds, "It seems like being with a celebrity would be really, really hard."
In other words, Beyoncé doesn't play the whirlwind superstar when it comes to love. She had the same boyfriend in Houston for eight years, and though it didn't work out, she considers him a best friend, talks to him frequently, and doesn't rule out a future reconciliation. And while she has begun her search for a new man, she's willing to chill for now. "I'd like to have someone to talk to, but I'm cool," she says. "When it happens, it happens."
In the meantime, Beyoncé and her girls are hard at work. By 10 o'clock the next morning, they roll to their book signing. Their arrival at Selfridges department store sets off two straight hours of absolute mayhem. Once the event is over, the girls browse around the designer-clothes department. A sales associate shows Beyoncé a black peasant blouse with amazing embroidery, but as soon as she eyes the price of £1,200 (roughly $1,800), she gasps and stiffens up. "Oh, no. I'm sorry, that's way too expensive. It's very beautiful though," she says politely to the dumbfounded clerk.
Beyoncé's sense of modesty continues to prevail when the three hit Christian Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, and Dolce & Gabbana. While Kelly and Michelle excitedly try on different outfits, Beyoncé picks out a pair of flat, beaded sandals and receives a 20 percent courtesy (i.e., celebrity) discount. "I hate trying stuff on," she says as she pays for them at the register. Beyoncé has an aversion to fitting rooms; she has struggled with her weight since she was 10 years old. She tried diet pills once, but they made her too jittery. She's naturally thick, so staying in shape means daily time on the treadmill (she's up to four miles a day). Of course the hour and a half she spends performing six times a week on tour doesn't hurt. It may be hard to believe, but she's learning to accept her body. "I don't want to be skinny. I like the fact that I look like a normal person."
As the girls stuff their purchases into their chauffeur-driven SUV, Beyoncé tries to psych herself up for the Wembley concert. "I'm sooooooo tired," she says with a Southern drawl. Judging by her performance later, you'd have no idea. When it comes time to perform "Work It Out," it's as if she's possessed. Tossing her head around, jerking her body, twirling the microphone stand, she's a new-millennium version of Tina Turner. As human and humble as she is offstage, watching her perform is a quick reminder of why she's a star. She's magnetic.
But as soon as the show's over, she's a daughter, sister, and colleague again. Backstage, Mathew Knowles, who sometimes joins the group on tour, calls an emergency meeting for all staff, including dancers and crew. As soon as Beyoncé's younger sister, Solange, walks in, everyone excitedly sings "Happy Birthday." After Solange blows out the 16 candles on the chocolate cake, Mr. Knowles starts doing his own special rendition of Usher's tick-dance move from the video for "U Don't Have to Call," prompting uncontrollable laughter. The birthday girl continues the fun, making everbody stand in a circle with each person taking turns to bust a move in the middle. When it's Beyoncé's go, she shakes it up, dipping down several times. Then Beyoncé initiates a game in which each person's sentence must rhyme wiht the last person's-all on beat, of course.
"The good thing about us is that we know when it's time to be family," Beyoncé muses later. "And we know when it's time to work." The days to come call for more travel, appearnces, singing, filming, signings, and no end in sight. But tonight, Beyoncé is kicking back. In the company of her family and the people she loves best, she's having her cake-and eating it too.
