Vibe.com, January 27th, 2005
Nick (Ice Cube), a successful sports memorabilia shop owner with a spanking new SUV and a laminated playa's card, is a certifiable child-hater. When Suzanne (a stunning Nia Long) catches his eye, Nick moves in for the kill only to find her two badass kids (Aleisha Allen, Philip Bolden) standing firmly in his way. Their situation gets sticky when Suzanne takes a business trip and Nick must transport her 'Angelic' children from Oregon to Vancouver or risk losing her affection. What's scary about this entire plot? He's only known Suzanne for a week.
What's troubling - other than the plot holes - is Ice Cube's portrayal of Nick. Ice Cube is great alongside over the top comedians (i.e. Cedric The Entertainer, Mike Epps, and Chris Tucker). But when he is forced to bring the funny, he usually confuses comedy with mean mugging and yelling loudly - meanwhile those tricks don't even work for Chris Tucker anymore.
The film also falters with an imaginative plot device. Throughout the flick, Nick talks with a Satchel Paige bobble head doll (voiced by Tracey Morgan), which wouldn't be so annoying if Nick weren't the only character that it speaks to. Cube explains that the bobble character was added to provide an element of fantasy to the film, so children watching will realize this isn't something to emulate. Instead of providing whimsy, the entire effect comes off as cheesy and forced.
The Sandler connection is also quite evident in regards to the level of bathroom humor, with the timeless Nichelle Nichols (aka Lt. Uhura) cameos, as a farting nanny, and Nick never at a loss to receive a kick to the groin. Director Brian Levant (Snow Dogs, Problem Child 2) makes use of every human liquid available. Example, Kevin urinating on a lady and puking all over Nick's pimped out ride. But things get downright racial when Nick tempts a heavily accented Chinese mechanic with a Yao Ming basketball card - which I am sure, is against the law in China.
In the end, a great idea was sullied by horrible execution. Aside from the astonishing Nia Long, there isn't anything exceptional with Are We There Yet? I was left asking, 'Is It Over Yet?'
