Investor's Business Daily, July 25th, 2007
How you react to criticism can mean the difference between vaulting forward and throwing in the towel.
The advice of experts? Think success and ask yourself a few questions. Who's the critic? Is the advice valid? If so, what can you learn from it?
The next time you're criticized:
Start by listening. It's tempting to interrupt, but don't, says communications coach Ronnie Moore, author of "Why Did I Say That?" "You can't address, acknowledge or even discard criticism if you don't hear it all," she said. Stop the other person "only to clarify incrementally."
Separate acknowledgment from agreement. Indicating that you hear your critic doesn't mean you agree with the content.
Moore gave these examples: "You're telling me I've been late twice this week" and "You said I made you uncomfortable when I did that?"
"That's acknowledging. And (it) must happen in every communication," Moore said. Once you've acknowledged the person, respond by "agreeing with some, all or none of what you've heard."
Example: "You indicated I've been late three times this week. But my time card says only once." Or this: "I understand you think this deadline is unfair, and I agree with you."
If it's valid, probe further. Ask for desired outcomes. "How can you change your behavior if you don't know what the behavior is?" Moore asked. "Criticism that can't be quantified and communicated behaviorally is probably subjective and not valid."
Nail down specifics, says motivational coach Don Gabor, author of "Big Things Happen When You Do the Little Things Right."
Gabor suggests asking questions like these: "Can you give me an example of what didn't work for you?" "What part of the proposal is inadequate?" "What specifically can I do to improve this?"
Evaluate. "Not all criticism is equal. Before deciding what to do, if anything, evaluate it for validity and importance," Moore said.
A lot depends on the critic, says Gabor. "Listen carefully when the criticism comes from coaches, teachers (and) professionals in the field. You might not follow all their advice, but chances are you can profit from their experience and willingness to help," he said.
If the critic's your boss, your options are limited. Acknowledge the criticism, take to heart what's valid, and politely correct what isn't.
If the boss claims you've been late three times but the record indicates once, "show him your time sheet (and) ensure you'll be on time from now on," Moore said.
Check the agenda. Regardless of the critic, ask yourself this: Is the person knowledgeable and well-meaning, or does he have an ax to grind?
Hidden agendas say more about the critic than you, Gabor says. If your boss has a hidden agenda, and your relationship's part of a losing game, consider moving to another department or firm.
Contemplate. Regardless of the critic, sometimes you need time to process the information.
"Ask for that time," Moore said. Then use it to come up with an action plan.
