Creators.com, March 30th, 2008
Dear Larry: Our teenage sons (ages 13 and 14) got into a fight with each other after a church-sponsored youth outing. According to adult witnesses, they were really going at it with each other. We have addressed their issue of fighting, and I know we need to deal with this problem somehow.
Their fighting at the church outing has created a real ethical dilemma for us. Another teen, about 17 years old, attempted to help one of the adults break up the fight. In the process, the 17-year-old got his finger caught in my older son's sweatshirt hood. In the scuffle, his finger was twisted, broken and now requires surgery.
I learned long ago not to apologize for the bad behavior of other people, but I did tell the boy and his family I am sorry he was injured. My boys also have apologized to the other boy and his family. Obviously, my husband, their father, and I did not raise them to fight like this.
Now the dilemma: I would have offered to pay for medical expenses, but there is no way I can afford it. We barely are making ends meet as it is. There is simply no money when I wonder how I am going to put food on the table.
Now I am told the boy's parents are planning to sue us for the medical bills and their son's pain and suffering. They know we have no money and can't pay. The boy's family is fairly affluent. I know that is true because they make quite a show of it.
I have had friends tell me if I could pay, that would be fine, but I shouldn't feel obligated because the 17-year-old made the decision to get involved. They also added that my boys did not hurt him intentionally, and the teen's finger being caught and twisted was a freak occurrence.
I guess I am confused because if it were reversed, I wouldn't sue over it. I'd tell my kid to be careful about getting in the middle of someone else's fight.
I really don't know what to do short of offering them $5 a week for the rest of my life. My boys are too young to work in our state legally.
I want to do the right thing and really respect what I've seen in your column. Please help me see it through your eyes. — Ina
Dear Ina: Your sons' behavior was wrong, and if you care about their development, you will do the right thing at this critical learning point in their lives. They are not too young to learn behavior has consequences. You may not be legally responsible for the good Samaritan's finger, but I believe you are morally obligated to offer to pay.
You are correct that you need to get control of your sons' fighting. I grew up in a family with eight boys, and it was common for a lot of bickering to go on, but not outright fighting in which someone was getting pummeled.
In order to bring about this needed change in behavior and settle your moral obligation, I suggest you require your sons to work together and give their proceeds to pay off the medical bills. It has been found the best way for people to learn to get along is to require them to work together to accomplish a common goal.
Be creative in the types of jobs your boys can do together. Their jobs should be things that only can happen when they work together. For example, if you cut wood, it takes two people to carry the log. To fix a bike, one must hold the wheel while the other does the work. To paint a room, one must steady the ladder while the other paints the ceiling. The list is endless.
Notable quote: "Idle hands are the devil's playground."
To find out more about Larry G. Meeks and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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