The New York Observer, June 26th, 2007
You must be feeling pretty good about yourselves these days, ever since those Norwegian epidemiologists conferred the equivalent of intellectual primogeniture on all of you.
And truth be told, we’d be feeling pretty good about ourselves too if the report had gone the other way and said that we were the ones with the higher I.Q. Perhaps we’d even be flaunting it the way you have been—flooding your inbox with links to relevant articles, offering to explain any diff-i-cult vocabulary words, prefacing every statement with the phrase, “Given my superior intelligence …. ”
At first, we will confess, we were tempted to take issue with the article, to argue our intellectual equality, if not superiority. But then, after some consideration, we decided simply to do as we have always done, which is to lay low and let you enjoy your little moment. As Mom and Dad always said, The most important thing is keeping the peace, right?
So rather than begrudge you your success, we thought we would take this opportunity to say congratulations on your three extra I.Q. points. You deserve them!
Sincerely,
• Jane Austen, younger sister of Cassandra and five older brothers
• Samuel Beckett, younger brother of Frank
• Georgia Brown, Martin and Lucy Brown’s fifth and youngest child
• Warren Buffett, younger brother of Doris
• Hugo Chavez, younger brother of Adan
• Stephen Colbert, 11th of 11 children
• Marie Curie, younger sister of Bronya
• Charles Darwin, fifth child of Robert and Susannah Darwin
• Jacques Derrida, middle child of Aimé and Georgette Derrida
• Fyodor Dostoyevsky, second child of Mikhail and Maria Dostoyevsky
• Thomas Edison, seventh and last child of Samuel and Nancy Edison
• Enrico Fermi, younger brother of Maria and Giulio (may he rest in peace)
• Bobby Fischer, younger brother of Joan
• Benjamin Franklin, younger brother of John, Peter, Mary, James, Sarah, Ebenezer and Thomas (as well as numerous half-siblings)
• Mohandas Gandhi, youngest child of Kaba and Putlibai Gandhi
• Bill Gates, younger brother of Kristi (and older brother of Libby)
• Tenzin Gyatso (the 14th Dalai Lama), younger brother of Tsering Dolma, Thupten Jigme Norbu, Gyalo Thondup and Lobsang Samten
• Jacob, younger brother of Esau
• Joseph, 11th son of Jacob
• Martin Luther King Jr., younger brother of Christine and older brother of Alfred Daniel
• Abraham Lincoln, younger brother of Sarah
• Madonna, younger sister of Martin and Anthony, older sister of many
• Malcolm X, younger brother of Wilfred, Hilda and Philbert
• Thurgood Marshall, younger brother of William Aubrey Marshall
• Herman Melville, third child of Allan and Maria Gansevoort Melville
• Arthur Miller, younger brother of Kermit
• Toni Morrison, second child of George Wofford and Ramah Willis Wofford
• Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, younger brother of Maria Anna
• Orhan Pamuk, younger brother of Şevket
• Max Planck, fourth and youngest child of Johann Julius Wilhelm and Emma Planck
• Philip Roth, younger brother of Sandy
• J.D. Salinger, younger brother of Doris
• Eliot Spitzer, younger brother of Daniel (a humble neurosurgeon)
• Gertrude Stein, fifth and youngest child of Daniel and Amelia Stein
• Jon Stewart, younger brother of Larry
• Henry David Thoreau, younger brother of Helen and John Jr., older brother of Sophia
• Leo Tolstoy, the fourth of Nikolay Ilich and Mariya Nikolayevna’s five children
• Mark Twain, younger brother of Orion, Pamela, Pleasant, Margaret and Benjamin, and older brother of Henry
• Ludwig Wittgenstein, the youngest of Karl and Leopoldine Wittgenstein’s eight children
• Virginia Woolf, younger sister of Vanessa and Thoby, older sister of Adrian
