CARSON CITY— As the Legislature commences this week, and some of you eager readers may be thinking of a Carson City career or a capital interaction of a lesser kind, perhaps some rules for doing business in the center of the Nevada political universe might be useful.
These dos and don’ts can be radically different from the real world and yet, in some ways, the same. To wit:
Rule No. 1 — If you are a legislator, staying awake during interminable hearings on subjects such as qualified intermediaries is not essential. The media might mention that you were snoozing, but unlike the real world, you are not likely to be fired. In fact, you might be kept on for decades.
Rule No. 2 — If you are a lobbyist, it is better to look good and sound good than be good. Master the language of lobbying — converse knowingly about a committee chairman’s likes and dislikes — and then confuse and awe your clients with the argot. They have bottom lines to make and will be thrilled you are taking care of their Carson City business.
Rule No. 3 — If you are a business and you read that a bill affecting your enterprise is dead — or your mellifluous- sounding lobbyist tells you so — don’t believe it. Like a bad horror movie series with all those false endings, the Legislature, despite so many deadlines, has one hard and fast rule: Nothing is ever dead until the final gavel falls sine die. And, alas, sometimes there are sequels called special sessions.
Rule No. 4 — If you are a labor union representative and you are worried about what might happen to your interests, stay away from the Senate side of the building. No legislation that you will like will ever get through that house, where there are too many Republicans and too many Democrats who act like Republicans.
The good news is anything you want will pass the Assembly, where 27 Democrats will happily genuflect.
Rule No. 5 — If you are a governor who isn’t particularly well known and whose agenda is murky, it might be a good idea to come over and visit the 63 mini-governors in the Legislative Building. They like to be stroked and coddled, and not just by lobbyists. Speaking of which ...
Rule No. 6 — If you are a lobbyist, make sure that every legislator believes you think he or she is the smartest, savviest, most important member of the Gang of 63. Compliment their insight, their perspicacity, even their outfits. Just pay attention to them because they know what you know: For four months, they are really important.
Rule No. 7 — If you are a rookie lawmaker, be careful. There are sharks everywhere — your more seasoned colleagues, lobbyists who can smell your vote, Fourth Estaters eager for you to commit a gaffe. So strut around as if you know it all, but understand some might find out the truth if you open your mouth.
Rule No. 8 — If you are a voter, understand that the media reports will tell some of the story but the really ugly stuff often doesn’t become clear until later — if ever. So don’t fret, don’t get angry. You only have one recourse: Prayer.
In Business commentator Jon Ralston also hosts the news discussion program “Face to Face With Jon Ralston” on Las Vegas ONE, publishes the daily e-mailnewsletter “RalstonFlash.com” and writes columns and a political notebook for the Las Vegas Sun. To subscribe to Flash, go to www.RalstonFlash.com, or call 990-2550. Ralston can be reached at 870-7997 or by e-mail at ralston@vegas.com
