The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul Test | Final Test - Easy

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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Where does Dirk decline offers that don't involve the procurement of cigarettes?
(a) Stamford Road,
(b) York Way.
(c) Blackfriar's Road.
(d) Lincolnshire Way.

2. What is sitting next to Odin's bed the afternoon following his return to Woodshead?
(a) An onion ring.
(b) A newspaper.
(c) A gold class ring.
(d) A Stanley hammer.

3. On what type of bass does Neil play "The Ride of the Valkyries"?
(a) An Epiphone.
(b) A Steinberger.
(c) A Fender Precision.
(d) A Dean Edge.

4. Who is the world's greatest publisher of the world's sleaziest newspaper?
(a) Roderick Mercer.
(b) Carmine Rigozza.
(c) Larry Flintlocke.
(d) Annie Gittergun.

5. What disturbs the horses that Toe Rag has stolen?
(a) Thor.
(b) A short, talking tree.
(c) Odin.
(d) A large, white metal box.

6. What store is closed for the night when Dirk looks for cigarettes?
(a) Cross Wares.
(b) H.W. Smith.
(c) B.E. Bradley.
(d) 7-Eleven.

7. How can Tsuliwaensis tell Kate is a mortal?
(a) By her colored hair.
(b) By her hair cut.
(c) By her accent.
(d) By her fancy dress.

8. In Dirk's experience, what do crazy, pushy New York drivers explain to oncoming traffic as they careen out into the road?
(a) The Day of Judgement.
(b) Tax situations.
(c) The Return of the King.
(d) The price of tea in Tibet.

9. What does Dirk think he will not be able to handle in terms of the eagle in his house if he tries to go upstairs to get a cigarette?
(a) The sheer ornithology involved.
(b) The thought of the eagle's anger.
(c) His overwhelming queasiness.
(d) The memory of his accident.

10. What does Dirk substitute for a cigarette and tap it in a cigarette-like way?
(a) A straw.
(b) A pencil.
(c) A twig.
(d) A toothpick.

11. What does the green-eyed monster do to the stable master at Valhalla?
(a) Hires him.
(b) Poisons him.
(c) Beheads him.
(d) Eats him.

12. What did Odin sacrifice one of his own eyes for?
(a) A good steak.
(b) Survival.
(c) Wisdom.
(d) Peace.

13. Who once occupied the hospital bed Dirk finds himself in?
(a) Clive Draycott.
(b) Anstey.
(c) Kate.
(d) Odin.

14. How does Kate describe Thor's eyes?
(a) As glacial.
(b) As jade-like.
(c) As tired.
(d) As oval.

15. What does Thor turn into a kitten?
(a) A blue china table lamp.
(b) A shangung silk pillow.
(c) A carton of free-range eggs.
(d) A carton of milk.

Short Answer Questions

1. What part of London does Dirk say is grim concrete monoliths?

2. How does Dirk think of the eagle's beak?

3. What is the neroli oil Kate puts in Thor's bath distilled from?

4. Who sends a constant barrage of paradoxical notices to Dirk in the mail?

5. How did Thor take care of the fighter pilot's wife?

(see the answer keys)

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