The Stranger, July 13th, 2006
Note to "world": I no longer require your services. Why? Because I have a "computer" which fulfills my every need. In fact, this "computer" fulfills needs I never knew I had-like "porn needs." Frankly, world, you suck at fulfilling my "porn needs." And what about my "watching funny videos of people attempting unsuccessful backflips off the top of a house" needs? The internet can provide one at a moment's notice. And how many have YOU sent me? That's right, ZEROOOOOOOOO!
I also have no further need for the phone company, since I refuse to address anyone unless it's via text message or e-mail. ...
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