Summary:
Yellow Raft in Blue water. An essay on the main character Rayona and her loneliness.
Yellow Raft Blue Water Essay
Throughout the book Rayona has become more confident with being alone. At the beginning of A Yellow Raft in Blue Water, being alone meant being lonely. Rayona had trouble being alone because of the effects of her family. Towards the middle of the book Rayona expresses confidence in
being alone. She begins to realize she could be alone and be comfortable
with it.
Rayona avoids being in a room with her self at the beginning of
the book. She appeared to of had self-confidence issues and she thought
very low of her self. This is shown on page 81,
"I go over that letter I don't know how many times. It's disturbing in a way I cant put my finger on. dad sent me a postcard one time. it had a picture of a place called the Aspiring Motel on one side, and on the other he had written "this is where I'm staying in Victoria. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." it took me a day before I figured out who sent it. I keep staring at the letter, and now its Mom reading in my head, like in the movies or on TV when the voice of the person who wrote something comes out of nowhere so the audience will know what it says and who its from. I don't know why I think of Mom- I never got a letter from her unless you count when she left me notes taped to the refrigerator and when they were just short messages lie "Sam came to town and wanted to party! Don't wait up!"
This example is showing that Rayona feels alone and replaying her mothers voice makes her feel less alone. Reading the letter makes her feel like her mothers with her, and it makes her comforted, even if it is from her mother. To Rayona anyone is better then no one at all. Similarly to that is the fallowing quote found on page 103,
"I'm out the screen door and down the path to the lake before I let myself think. Then I reach back for my wallet and take out my letter. the words dance in my mind.. I hear the sound of the lawn mower. the dog. Rascal scratching to come in at the door. I crumple the paper in my hand and let it slip through my fingers. it falls to the ground like another piece of trash that has to be collected."
These thoughts of low self-esteem were effects of her family. Through out her life her mother and father deliberately avoided taking care of her, as if she was a burden. Her families' internal abuse is shown in this example on page 5;
"Rayona, what's happening"" he asks me.
These are the first words I've heard from him since my fifteenth
birthday five months ago, when he telephoned to say he'd be late to
the party, so I'm not friendly."
From this example Rayona is implying that her father does not make an effort to be around her a lot, this of course hurt her, but what hurt more was that, from her eyes, he didn't care. An example of her mother's deliberate
absence is when her mother threatens to kill her self. Without a second
thought her mother threatened to kill her self, and leave Rayona.
"Let's go home," I say. "I'm not going home." She settles herself behind the wheel, points toward my pocket for the keys, and I hand them over. She grips the armrest and slams the door. "don't let him have anything. Keep it for yourself." "Hold on," I say and run around the back of car to the other side. She reaches over to push down the lock but it doesn't work. I get in. "What are you talking about." "What I'm talking about," she starts loud, and then takes a breath, clams her voice. "what I'm talking about is this: we're broke. We owe two months back rent on that lousy apartment. My unemployment is expired and I'm tired of finding two bit jobs. I'm past forty years old and my husband wants to ditch me and marry some Arletta. I figure I've wore out my welcome in this world and the only thing I've got that's worth anything is the insurance on this fucking car. So it's going to have a little accident and your going to win the lottery. Kiss me good-bye"
In this quote Christina basically tells Rayona that she is "worth nothing."
Rayona slowly begins this transition of self-assurance. While this is happening she begins to realize that she has trust in her self. She has always had people tend to rely on her, but she didn't realize she relied on her self as well. Being alone did not mean she had nothing. An example of this is shown on page 64,
"I hunch into a pocket of gravel between two ties and lean back against the track, still warm from the trains passing. I settle in, roll my head so I can see through the tree limbs as the clouds slide across the sky. I'm in a tight spot but it could be worse. I have the priest's money and the whole night to think before morning comes. I'm happy without reason."
In the fallowing example it shows Rayona expressing a sense of happiness to have a chance to relax and sleep comfortably by her self. One of the few times in the book, Rayona is thankful to have a moment to her, alone. This example is found on page 86,
"A layer of rough wool is laid on top of me. it smells of too much sitting and too many cigarettes, but I snuggle into its warmth. The last time I slept lying down was three nights ago in Mom's old bed at Aunt Ida's. it seems forever, a fantasy. My brain hums with half-told stories, with pieces that don't seem to fir anywhere, with things I should have said and didn't, and I cant tell the real from the could0 be. its as though I'm dreaming a lot of lives and I can mix and match the parts into something new each time. None pin me down.. The last light in my head turns out, and I'm gone."
"But I don't ask Ellen. I don't even ask myself Sky's questions, like what am I doing here, or what's happened to mom or aunt Ida or even Father Tom. Its as though I'm suspended in a time warp and nothing in the world maters but policing my area and helping out at trailer and passing the days. I don't know where I'm going anymore than when I left the reservation, any more than when I visited Mom in her hospital room in Seattle. Its as if I've taken on a new identity and sometimes I halfway believe that at the end of the summer these parents I've concocted will come back loaded down with souvenir cuckoo clocks and take me home to our house in Seattle with its overgrown lawn."
This quote is found on page 98. Her words are showing how she almost created this whole other world, and she is developing a personality. She is thinking about herself unlike when she lived in Seattle.
Throughout the book Rayona has become more confident with being alone. It is shown throughout the book that at the beginning of A Yellow Raft in Blue Water, being alone meant being lonely. Rayona had trouble being alone because of the effects of her family. Towards the middle of the book Rayona expresses confidence in being alone. She begins to realize she could be alone and be comfortable with it. Rayona, much like many of us, learns that she not only can depend on her self, but she can love her self.
This is the complete article, containing 1,300 words
(approx. 4 pages at 300 words per page).
