Student Essay on Using Teachings of Augustine to Examine Life

Using Teachings of Augustine to Examine Life

Summary:   Augustine's infancy and boyhood made me realize that humans are all born alike. We are not born sinless, free of greed or desire. This is a human condition that cannot be avoided because curiosity overpowers the concern for right and wrong at such an early age. We are all born selfish because our intrinsic desires constantly urge us to seek power and authority.

"We who carry our mortality about with us, carry the evidence of our sin and with it the proof that you thwart the proud." (Augustine 39) This quote from the first book of Saint Augustine's "The Confessions" is a reflection of how Augustine brought Pagan meaning to interpret Christianity as a part of his life. In fact, it has direct correlation to the Holy Bible in the first letter of Peter: "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." (Peter 5:5) The parallel that lies between these two quotes is a manifestation of the parallel that lies between Augustine and Paul's theology. It is clear from readings that Augustine found Paul's theology to be a practical tool while examining his own life. Just as Augustine has utilized the teachings of Paul to examine his life, I will utilize the teachings of Augustine as a framework for examining my life.

Although much of my infancy has faded in memory, reading book I of Augustine's infancy and boyhood made me realize that humans are all born alike. We are not born sinless, free of greed or desire. This is a human condition that cannot be avoided because curiosity overpowers the concern for right and wrong at such an early age. We are all born selfish because our intrinsic desires constantly urge us to seek power and authority. We are not at this age capable of choosing how we are educated. Instead, a system of principles and goals are laid out before us to abide by. "Such were the moral standards of the world at whose threshold I lay, a wretched boy; this was the arena in which I was to struggle." (Augustine 59) This quote reflects how Augustine saw his infancy as that of a freedom-neglected one, chained down by the pre-determined morals and standards of a system of education. After reading his take on infancy, I realize certain things I had not before. When I cried as a child, it meant I wanted something I didn't have in order to benefit myself. I had no regard for the person who would appease my desires; I only cared for myself. This condition of human-selfishness requires change in order for humans to turn out unselfish. Speaking in Augustinian terms: our concerns for ourselves must be redirected toward concerns for our God.

As I had entered into my boyhood around the age of five or six, I noticed that my selfish human condition had grown and manifested itself into a more complex process. That urge to attain power and authority over people and things had grown stronger and more sophisticated. The desire I once had to benefit myself by crying as an infant grew into a desire to benefit myself by cheating and stealing as a young boy. One of my earliest memories as a boy is stealing from my families close friends. The part that troubles me most is the fact that I was fully aware of the healthy relationship that existed between my family and the family I stole from. The bag of quarters I stole from them was not out of hatred or vengeance; I stole because the thought of doing something illegal while getting away with it was too enticing to resist. I saw the stealing of the money as an indication that I am a power seeking person. The fact that I would steal from friends to benefit myself proves that I have been deceiving and greedy in nature since my infancy. Although I do agree with Augustine when he introduces very Plutonic solutions to these human flaws, I also realize that they are extreme and could not function properly in our society.

As time passed, the selfish condition that plagued me as a child grew until I was committing acts that were illegal by law. When I was thirteen, it was common for my friends and I to steal cases of beer from neighboring garages. I am certain that at this time I was consciously aware of the legal statute that prohibits the act of stealing. However, like Augustine I was still tempted to benefit myself at the expense of others without hesitation. "In those games I would often seek to dominate by fraudulent means, because I was myself dominated by a vain urge to excel." (Augustine 59) This same urge that dominated Augustine was the same urge that constantly ran through my body during my adolescent years. It was also common not only to steal the cases, but to sell them to my peers to make profit! Looking back on these events made me recall the egocentric persona that had constrained me for so long.

As the years passed on, similar incidents reflecting my own deceitful and cruel nature would continue to disturb my conscious. When I had reached the age of seventeen, I realized once again that my habitual nature had not escaped me. As I was returning home from Wegmans after picking up two submarine sandwiches for my brother and me, I realized that I had forgotten to pay for the merchandise and had simply walked out. Surprised by my fraudulent insolence, I continued driving home making up reasons on the way why it was acceptable to do what I had done. When I had finally returned home, I began questioning my ability to make rational decision. Had I not returned to the store in order to save money? Or, was it the adrenaline flow I had gotten from knowingly committing an illegal act that subdued my guilty conscious? Whichever the case, I had realized one thing: it was not plausible that this greed-filled, selfish mentality I had been born with would ever change.

Up to this point in my young life, I had learned to overcome many hardships that, in my opinion, were much more difficult to overcome than simply obeying one single fragment of the law. As a teen, I would occasionally steal five or ten dollars from my mothers' purse. This wasn't at all too common, but I do remember committing the act and feeling guilty afterwards. Even though it may be argued that stealing was not the correct terminology because it was my mother who I had taken from, I see these acts now as an additional symptom of my malevolent inherited trait. "These same sins grow worse as we grow older: first it is offenses against pedagogues and teachers, or cheating over nuts and balls and sparrows; then later it is crimes against prefects and kings, and fraud in gold and estates and slaves, just as a schoolboy's canings are succeeded by heavier punishments." (Augustine 60) As Augustine mentions here, these sinful acts typically grow into more significant matters involving more significant punishments. However, I was learning to come to terms with the fact that selfishness and greed are a part of human nature. It is inherited as soon as the first light enters our infantile eyes. We are raised by our parents and by society to become prudent and frugal in order to promote ourselves usually at the expense of other human beings.

When I had become old enough to base rational decisions around emotional and passionate feelings, the sinful acts that once plagued my personality up until my adolescence had slowly begun to fade out. The people I respected and loved were no longer subject to my intolerable cruelty as a young adult. Instead, they became tools of my education to overcome my selfish nature. Augustine stresses the fact that we are educated by people who have made the same mistakes we have. The people before them who were also not properly educated taught these educators to teach the same philosophy to their apprentices. Augustine points out that this continuance of tutoring children using the same malpractice cannot be avoided unless an individual turns away from their self and realizes that they should not prioritize only material things in the world. This attitude toward correctly raising a child reminds us that we must be careful while choosing our educators. As I mentioned before, Augustine's plutonic solution to this problem is almost impossible to accomplish and must be done on ones own will. Although I may not be completely changed yet, I have realized my problem and what sort of treatment it will take to completely dissolve it.

It was also apparent that this selfish nature had manifested itself into a more sophisticated framework involving emotions and rational thinking. Even though this selfish, self-centered ego that once prevailed for so long in my life was nearly vanquished, it still appeared to be present at times. I no longer appeased my self-interest at the expense of innocent subjects whom I held empathy for. Instead, my selfish nature would appear spontaneously at indiscriminate times while the subjects of my deceitfulness remained unaware of the incident. In other words, I still set out to benefit myself but did so with the intent of having my victim be unaware of their loss. I realize now that this intrinsic nature that urged me to deceive people in order to assist myself was simply a part of who I am. Whether it would remain cruel and irrational or manifest itself slowly was completely arbitrary. However, the idea of it being with me forever was completely inevitable.