‘Wait!’ I think, ‘I will cheat her!
I will go nowhere!’ and I instantly sat down
on the ground.
The old woman stands behind, two paces from me.
I do not hear her, but I feel she is there.
And suddenly I see the blur of darkness in the distance
is floating, creeping of itself towards me!
God! I look round again ... the old woman looks
straight at me, and her toothless mouth is twisted
in a grin.
No escape!
Us two in the room; my dog and me.... Outside
a fearful storm is howling.
The dog sits in front of me, and looks me straight
in the face.
And I, too, look into his face.
He wants, it seems, to tell me something. He
is dumb, he is without words, he does not understand
himself—but I understand him.
I understand that at this instant there is living
in him and in me the same feeling, that there is no
difference between us. We are the same; in each
of us there burns and shines the same trembling spark.
Death sweeps down, with a wave of its chill broad
wing....
And the end!
Who then can discern what was the spark that glowed
in each of us?
No! We are not beast and man that glance at one
another....
They are the eyes of equals, those eyes riveted on
one another.
And in each of these, in the beast and in the man,
the same life huddles up in fear close to the other.
February 1878.
I had a comrade who was my adversary; not in pursuits,
nor in service, nor in love, but our views were never
alike on any subject, and whenever we met, endless
argument arose between us.
We argued about everything: about art, and religion,
and science, about life on earth and beyond the grave,
especially about life beyond the grave.
He was a person of faith and enthusiasm. One
day he said to me, ’You laugh at everything;
but if I die before you, I will come to you from the
other world.... We shall see whether you will
laugh then.’
And he did, in fact, die before me, while he was still
young; but the years went by, and I had forgotten
his promise, his threat.
One night I was lying in bed, and could not, and,
indeed, would not sleep.
In the room it was neither dark nor light. I
fell to staring into the grey twilight.
And all at once, I fancied that between the two windows
my adversary was standing, and was slowly and mournfully
nodding his head up and down.
I was not frightened; I was not even surprised ...
but raising myself a little, and propping myself on
my elbow, I stared still more intently at the unexpected
apparition.
The latter continued to nod his head.
‘Well?’ I said at last; ’are you
triumphant or regretful? What is this—warning
or reproach?... Or do you mean to give me to understand
that you were wrong, that we were both wrong?
What are you experiencing? The torments of hell?
Or the bliss of paradise? Utter one word at least!’
