tell; but this I know, to my cost, that he managed
his client’s cause so ably, and made a speech
so full of sound law and clear sense, as effectually
to decide the cause against me. I was condemned
to pay 500_l_. damages, and costs of suit. Five
hundred pounds lost, by delaying to lock up a bundle
of papers! Every body pitied me, because the punishment
seemed so disproportioned to the offence. The
pity of every body, however, did not console me for
the loss of my money.
The trial was published in the papers: my uncle
Lowe read it, and all my credit with him was lost
for ever. Lucy did not utter a syllable of reproach
or complaint; but she used all her gentle influence
to prevail upon me to lay aside the various schemes
which I had formed for making a rapid fortune, and
urged me to devote my whole attention to my business.
The loss which I had sustained, though great, was
not irremediable. I was moved more by my wife’s
kindness than I could have been by the most outrageous
invective. But what is kindness, what is affection,
what are the best resolutions, opposed to all-powerful
habit? I put off settling my affairs till I had
finished a pamphlet against government, which my friends
and the critics assured me would make my fortune, by
attaching to my shop all the opposition members.
My pamphlet succeeded, was highly praised, and loudly
abused: answers appeared, and I was called upon
to provide rejoinders. Time thus passed away,
and while I was gaining fame, I every hour lost money.
I was threatened with bankruptcy. I threw aside
my pamphlets, and in the utmost terror and confusion,
began, too late, to look into my affairs. I now
attempted too much: I expected to repair by bustle
the effects of procrastination. The nervous anxiety
of my mind prevented me from doing any thing well;
whatever I was employed about appeared to me of less
consequence than a hundred other things which ought
to be done. The letter that I was writing, or
the account that I was settling, was but one of a
multitude, which had all equal claims to be expedited
immediately. My courage failed; I abandoned my
business in despair. A commission of bankruptcy
was taken out against me; all my goods were seized,
and I became a prisoner in the King’s Bench.
My wife’s relations refused to give me any assistance;
but her father offered to receive her and her little
boy, on condition that she would part from me, and
spend the remainder of her days with them. This
she positively refused; and I never shall forget the
manner of her refusal. Her character rose in
adversity. With the utmost feminine gentleness
and delicacy, she had a degree of courage and fortitude
which I have seldom seen equalled in any of my own
sex. She followed me to prison, and supported
my spirits by a thousand daily instances of kindness.
During eighteen months that she passed with me in
a prison, which we then thought must be my abode for
life, she never, by word or look, reminded me that
I was the cause of our misfortunes: on the contrary,
she drove this idea from my thoughts with all the
address of female affection. I cannot even, at
this distance of time, recall these things to memory
without tears.
