“Cursed, cursed creator! Why did I live?
Why, in that instant, did I not extinguish the spark
of existence which you had so wantonly bestowed?
I know not; despair had not yet taken possession of
me; my feelings were those of rage and revenge.
I could with pleasure have destroyed the cottage
and its inhabitants and have glutted myself with their
shrieks and misery.
“When night came I quitted my retreat and wandered
in the wood; and now, no longer restrained by the
fear of discovery, I gave vent to my anguish in fearful
howlings. I was like a wild beast that had broken
the toils, destroying the objects that obstructed me
and ranging through the wood with a stag-like swiftness.
Oh! What a miserable night I passed!
The cold stars shone in mockery, and the bare trees
waved their branches above me; now and then the sweet
voice of a bird burst forth amidst the universal stillness.
All, save I, were at rest or in enjoyment; I, like
the arch-fiend, bore a hell within me, and finding
myself unsympathized with, wished to tear up the trees,
spread havoc and destruction around me, and then to
have sat down and enjoyed the ruin.
“But this was a luxury of sensation that could
not endure; I became fatigued with excess of bodily
exertion and sank on the damp grass in the sick impotence
of despair. There was none among the myriads
of men that existed who would pity or assist me; and
should I feel kindness towards my enemies? No;
from that moment I declared everlasting war against
the species, and more than all, against him who had
formed me and sent me forth to this insupportable
misery.
“The sun rose; I heard the voices of men and
knew that it was impossible to return to my retreat
during that day. Accordingly I hid myself in
some thick underwood, determining to devote the ensuing
hours to reflection on my situation.
“The pleasant sunshine and the pure air of day
restored me to some degree of tranquillity; and when
I considered what had passed at the cottage, I could
not help believing that I had been too hasty in my
conclusions. I had certainly acted imprudently.
It was apparent that my conversation had interested
the father in my behalf, and I was a fool in having
exposed my person to the horror of his children.
I ought to have familiarized the old De Lacey to
me, and by degrees to have discovered myself to the
rest of his family, when they should have been prepared
for my approach. But I did not believe my errors
to be irretrievable, and after much consideration
I resolved to return to the cottage, seek the old
man, and by my representations win him to my party.
“These thoughts calmed me, and in the afternoon
I sank into a profound sleep; but the fever of my
blood did not allow me to be visited by peaceful dreams.
The horrible scene of the preceding day was forever
acting before my eyes; the females were flying and
the enraged Felix tearing me from his father’s
feet. I awoke exhausted, and finding that it
was already night, I crept forth from my hiding-place,
and went in search of food.
