When I attended the king after my recovery, to return
him thanks for his favours, he was pleased to rally
me a good deal upon this adventure. He asked
me, “what my thoughts and speculations were,
while I lay in the monkey’s paw; how I liked
the victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding; and
whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my
stomach.” He desired to know, “what
I would have done upon such an occasion in my own
country.” I told his majesty, “that
in Europe we had no monkeys, except such as were brought
for curiosity from other places, and so small, that
I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they
presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous
animal with whom I was so lately engaged (it was indeed
as large as an elephant), if my fears had suffered
me to think so far as to make use of my hanger,”
(looking fiercely, and clapping my hand on the hilt,
as I spoke) “when he poked his paw into my chamber,
perhaps I should have given him such a wound, as would
have made him glad to withdraw it with more haste than
he put it in.” This I delivered in a firm
tone, like a person who was jealous lest his courage
should be called in question. However, my speech
produced nothing else beside a laud laughter, which
all the respect due to his majesty from those about
him could not make them contain. This made me
reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour
to do himself honour among those who are out of all
degree of equality or comparison with him. And
yet I have seen the moral of my own behaviour very
frequent in England since my return; where a little
contemptible varlet, without the least title to birth,
person, wit, or common sense, shall presume to look
with importance, and put himself upon a foot with
the greatest persons of the kingdom.
I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous
story: and Glumdalclitch, although she loved
me to excess, yet was arch enough to inform the queen,
whenever I committed any folly that she thought would
be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had
been out of order, was carried by her governess to
take the air about an hour’s distance, or thirty
miles from town. They alighted out of the coach
near a small foot-path in a field, and Glumdalclitch
setting down my travelling box, I went out of it to
walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and
I must need try my activity by attempting to leap
over it. I took a run, but unfortunately jumped
short, and found myself just in the middle up to my
knees. I waded through with some difficulty,
and one of the footmen wiped me as clean as he could
with his handkerchief, for I was filthily bemired;
and my nurse confined me to my box, till we returned
home; where the queen was soon informed of what had
passed, and the footmen spread it about the court:
so that all the mirth for some days was at my expense.
CHAPTER VI.
[Several contrivances of the author to please the
king and queen. He shows his skill in music.
The king inquires into the state of England, which
the author relates to him. The king’s observations
thereon.]
