His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer;
He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had an
ear.
He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day,
He used to quit his charger in a parabolic way,
His method of saluting was the joy of all beholders,
But Ahasuerus Jenkins had a head upon his shoulders.
He took two months to Simla when the year was at the
spring,
And underneath the deodars eternally did sing.
He warbled like a bulbul, but particularly at
Cornelia Agrippina who was musical and fat.
She controlled a humble husband, who, in turn, controlled
a Dept.,
Where Cornelia Agrippina’s human singing-birds
were kept
From April to October on a plump retaining fee,
Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury.
Cornelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to
play;
He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false
as they:
So when the winds of April turned the budding roses
brown,
Cornelia told her husband: “Tom, you mustn’t
send him down.”
They haled him from his regiment which didn’t
much regret him;
They found for him an office-stool, and on that stool
they set him,
To play with maps and catalogues three idle hours
a day,
And draw his plump retaining fee—which
means his double pay.
Now, ever after dinner, when the coffeecups are brought,
Ahasuerus waileth o’er the grand pianoforte;
And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen
great,
And Ahasuerus Jenkins is a power in the State.
This ditty is a string of lies.
But—how the deuce did Gubbins rise?
Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,
Stands at the top of the tree;
And I muse in my bed on the reasons that led
To the hoisting of Potiphar G.
Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,
Is seven years junior to Me;
Each bridge that he makes he either buckles or breaks,
And his work is as rough as he.
Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,
Is coarse as a chimpanzee;
And I can’t understand why you gave him your
hand,
Lovely Mehitabel Lee.
Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,
Is dear to the Powers that Be;
For They bow and They smile in an affable style
Which is seldom accorded to Me.
Potiphar Gubbins, C. E.,
Is certain as certain can be
Of a highly-paid post which is claimed by a host
Of seniors—including Me.
Careless and lazy is he,
Greatly inferior to Me.
What is the spell that you manage so well,
Commonplace Potiphar G.?
Lovely Mehitabel Lee,
Let me inquire of thee,
Should I have riz to what Potiphar is,
Hadst thou been mated to me?
This is the reason why Rustum Beg,
Rajah of Kolazai,
Drinketh the “simpkin” and brandy peg,
Maketh the money to fly,
Vexeth a Government, tender and kind,
Also—but this is a detail—blind.
