Going home to pick up a few necessaries, a book lent
to him by Miss Newton came in his way, and he felt
drawn to carry it home, and see her face for the
last time.
All unconscious of his trouble and of his intentions,
the good lady told him of her strong desire to hear
a celebrated preacher at a neighbouring church on
the Sunday evening, but said that in her partial
blindness and weakness, she was afraid to venture,
unless he would have the extreme goodness, as she
said, to take care of her. He saw that she
wished it so much that he had not the heart to refuse,
and he recollected likewise that very early on Monday
morning would answer his purpose equally well.
It was the 7th of June. The Psalm was the 37th—the
supreme lesson of patience. ’Hold thee
still in the Lord; and abide patiently on Him; and
He shall bring it to pass. He shall make thy
righteousness as clear as the light, and thy just
dealing as the noonday.’
The awful sense of desolation seemed to pass away
under those words, with that gentle woman beside
him. And the sermon was on ’Oh tarry
thou the Lord’s leisure; be strong, and He shall
comfort thine heart; and put thou thy trust in the
Lord.’
Clarence remembered nothing but the text. But
it was borne in upon him that his purpose of flight
was ’the old story,’—cowardice
and virtual distrust of the Lord, as well as absolute
cruelty to us who loved him.
When he had deposited Miss Newton at her own door,
he whispered thanks, and an entreaty for her prayers.
And then he went home, and fought the battle of his
life, with his own horrible dread of Mr. Castleford’s
disappointment; of possible prosecution; of the shame
at home; the misery of a life a second time blighted.
He fought it out on his knees, many a time persuading
himself that flight would not be a sin, then returning
to the sense that it was a temptation of his worse
self to be overcome. And by morning he knew
that it would be a surrender of himself to his lower
nature, and the evil spirit behind it; while, by facing
the worst that could befall him, he would be falling
into the hand of the Lord.
’Nor deem the irrevocable past
As wholly wasted, wholly vain,
If rising on its wrecks at last
To something nobler we attain.’
Longfellow.
All the rest of the family were out, and I was relieved
by being alone with my distress, not forced to hide
it, when the door opened and ‘Mr. Castleford’
was announced. After one moment’s look
at me, one touch of my hand, he must have seen that
I was faint with anxiety, and said, ’It is
all right, Edward; I see you know all. I am
come from Bristol to tell your father that he may be
proud of his son Clarence.’
I don’t know what I did. Perhaps I sobbed
and cried, but the first words I could get out were,
’Does he know? Oh! it may be too late.
He may be gone off to sea!’ I cried, breaking
out with my chief fear. Mr. Castleford looked
astounded, then said, ’I trust not. I
sent off a special messenger last night, as soon as
I saw my way—’
