Roberts, in despair: “What?”
Campbell: “Why, if McIlheny should happen
to come back alone, we mustn’t wait for him
to renew his invitation to drink; we must take him
out ourselves, and get him drunk; so drunk he can’t
remember anything; stone drunk; dead drunk. Or,
that is, you must. I haven’t got
anything to do with him. I wash my hands of the
whole affair.”
Roberts: “You mustn’t, Willis!
You know I can’t manage without you. And
you know I can’t take the man out and get him
drunk. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t
feel that it was right.”
Campbell: “Yes, I know. You’d
have to drink with him; and you’ve got no head
at all. You’d probably get drunk first,
and I don’t know what I should say to Agnes.”
Roberts: “That isn’t the point, Willis.
I couldn’t ask the man to drink; I should consider
it immoral. Besides, what should you do if the
cook came while I was away? You wouldn’t
know her.”
Campbell: “Well, neither would you, if
you stayed.”
Roberts: “That’s true. There
doesn’t seem to be any end of it, or any way
out of it. I must just stay and bear it.”
Campbell: “Of course you must stay.
And when McIlheny comes back, you’d better ask
him out to look upon the wine when it is red.”
Roberts: “No; that’s impossible,
quite. I shouldn’t mind the association—though
it isn’t very pleasant; but to offer drink to
a man already—Do you suppose it would do
to ask him out for a glass of soda? Plain soda
would be good for him. Or I could order claret
in it, if the worst came to the worst.”
Campbell: “Claret! What Mr. McIlheny
requires is forty-rod whiskey in a solution of sulphuric
acid. You must take that, or fourth-proof brandy
straight, with him.”
Roberts, miserably: “I couldn’t;
you know I couldn’t.”
Campbell: “What are you going to do, then?”
Roberts: “I don’t know; I don’t
know. I—I’ll give him in charge
to a policeman.”
Campbell: “And make a scandal here?”
Roberts: “Of course it can’t be done!”
Campbell: “Of course it can’t.
Give a councilman in charge? The policeman will
be Irish too, and then what’ll you do? You’re
more likely to be carried off yourself, when the facts
are explained. They’ll have an ugly look
in the police report.”
Roberts: “Oh, it can’t be done!
Nothing can be done! I wish Agnes would come!”
The Colored Man who calls the Trains: “Cars
ready for South Framingham, Whitneys, East Holliston,
Holliston, Metcalf’s, Braggville, and Milford.
Express to Framingham. Milford Branch. Track
No. 3.”
MRS. ROBERTS, MRS. CAMPBELL, ROBERTS, AND CAMPBELL;
THEN THE COOK AND McILHENY
