The Home and the World eBook

I repeatedly asked myself the meaning of this outburst of feeling.  At first there was no intelligible answer.  Then it became clear that the bond against which I had been fretting inwardly, night and day, had broken.  To my surprise I discovered that my mind was freed from all mistiness.  I could see everything relating to Bimala as if vividly pictured on a camera screen.  It was palpable that she had specially dressed herself up to coax that order out of me.  Till that moment, I had never viewed Bimala’s adornment as a thing apart from herself.  But today the elaborate manner in which she had done up her hair, in the English fashion, made it appear a mere decoration.  That which before had the mystery of her personality about it, and was priceless to me, was now out to sell itself cheap.

As I came away from that broken cage of a bedroom, out into the golden sunlight of the open, there was the avenue of bauhinias, along the gravelled path in front of my verandah, suffusing the sky with a rosy flush.  A group of starlings beneath the trees were noisily chattering away.  In the distance an empty bullock cart, with its nose on the ground, held up its tail aloft—­one of its unharnessed bullocks grazing, the other resting on the grass, its eyes dropping for very comfort, while a crow on its back was pecking away at the insects on its body.

I seemed to have come closer to the heartbeats of the great earth in all the simplicity of its daily life; its warm breath fell on me with the perfume of the bauhinia blossoms; and an anthem, inexpressibly sweet, seemed to peal forth from this world, where I, in my freedom, live in the freedom of all else.

We, men, are knights whose quest is that freedom to which our ideals call us.  She who makes for us the banner under which we fare forth is the true Woman for us.  We must tear away the disguise of her who weaves our net of enchantment at home, and know her for what she is.  We must beware of clothing her in the witchery of our own longings and imaginings, and thus allow her to distract us from our true quest.

Today I feel that I shall win through.  I have come to the gateway of the simple; I am now content to see things as they are.  I have gained freedom myself; I shall allow freedom to others.  In my work will be my salvation.

I know that, time and again, my heart will ache, but now that I understand its pain in all its truth, I can disregard it.  Now that I know it concerns only me, what after all can be its value?  The suffering which belongs to all mankind shall be my crown.

Save me, Truth!  Never again let me hanker after the false paradise of Illusion.  If I must walk alone, let me at least tread your path.  Let the drum-beats of Truth lead me to Victory.

Sandip’s Story

VII