The Home and the World eBook

I have been noticing for some time that there is a gross cupidity about Sandip.  His fleshly feelings make him harbour delusions about his religion and impel him into a tyrannical attitude in his patriotism.  His intellect is keen, but his nature is coarse, and so he glorifies his selfish lusts under high-sounding names.  The cheap consolations of hatred are as urgently necessary for him as the satisfaction of his appetites.  Bimala has often warned me, in the old days, of his hankering after money.  I understood this, but I could not bring myself to haggle with Sandip.  I felt ashamed even to own to myself that he was trying to take advantage of me.

It will, however, be difficult to explain to Bimala today that Sandip’s love of country is but a different phase of his covetous self-love.  Bimala’s hero-worship of Sandip makes me hesitate all the more to talk to her about him, lest some touch of jealousy may lead me unwittingly into exaggeration.  It may be that the pain at my heart is already making me see a distorted picture of Sandip.  And yet it is better perhaps to speak out than to keep my feelings gnawing within me.

II

I have known my master these thirty years.  Neither calumny, nor disaster, nor death itself has any terrors for him.  Nothing could have saved me, born as I was into the traditions of this family of ours, but that he has established his own life in the centre of mine, with its peace and truth and spiritual vision, thus making it possible for me to realize goodness in its truth.

My master came to me that day and said:  “Is it necessary to detain Sandip here any longer?”

His nature was so sensitive to all omens of evil that he had at once understood.  He was not easily moved, but that day he felt the dark shadow of trouble ahead.  Do I not know how well he loves me?

At tea-time I said to Sandip:  “I have just had a letter from Rangpur.  They are complaining that I am selfishly detaining you.  When will you be going there?”

Bimala was pouring out the tea.  Her face fell at once.  She threw just one enquiring glance at Sandip.

“I have been thinking,” said Sandip, “that this wandering up and down means a tremendous waste of energy.  I feel that if I could work from a centre I could achieve more permanent results.”

With this he looked up at Bimala and asked:  “Do you not think so too?”

Bimala hesitated for a reply and then said:  “Both ways seem good —­to do the work from a centre, as well as by travelling about.  That in which you find greater satisfaction is the way for you.”

“Then let me speak out my mind,” said Sandip.  “I have never yet found any one source of inspiration suffice me for good.  That is why I have been constantly moving about, rousing enthusiasm in the people, from which in turn I draw my own store of energy.  Today you have given me the message of my country.  Such fire I have never beheld in any man.  I shall be able to spread the fire of enthusiasm in my country by borrowing it from you.  No, do not be ashamed.  You are far above all modesty and diffidence.  You are the Queen Bee of our hive, and we the workers shall rally around you.  You shall be our centre, our inspiration.”