Une Vie, a Piece of String and Other Stories eBook

“Suddenly I heard a noise behind me and turned round.  It was the other one, the fat woman, who had attacked my wife with her parasol. Whack, whack! Melie got two of them.  But she was furious, and she hits hard when she is in a rage.  She caught the fat woman by the hair and then thump! thump! slaps in the face rained down like ripe plums.  I should have let them fight it out:  women together, men together.  It does not do to mix the blows.  But the little man in the linen jacket jumped up like a devil and was going to rush at my wife.  Ah! no, no, not that, my friend!  I caught the gentleman with the end of my fist, and crash! crash! One on the nose, the other in the stomach.  He threw up his arms and legs and fell on his back into the river, just into the hole.

“I should have fished him out most certainly, Monsieur le President, if I had had time.  But, to make matters worse, the fat woman had the upper hand and was pounding Melie for all she was worth.  I know I ought not to have interfered while the man was in the water, but I never thought that he would drown and said to myself:  ’Bah, it will cool him.’

“I therefore ran up to the women to separate them and all I received was scratches and bites.  Good Lord, what creatures!  Well, it took me five minutes, and perhaps ten, to separate those two viragos.  When I turned round there was nothing to be seen.  The water was as smooth as a lake and the others yonder kept shouting:  ’Fish him out! fish him out!’ It was all very well to say that, but I cannot swim and still less dive.

“At last the man from the dam came and two gentlemen with boathooks, but over a quarter of an hour had passed.  He was found at the bottom of the hole, in eight feet of water, as I have said.  There he was, the poor little man, in his linen suit!  Those are the facts such as I have sworn to.  I am innocent, on my honor.”

The witnesses having given testimony to the same effect, the accused was acquitted.

* * * * *

THE SPASM

The hotel guests slowly entered the dining-room and took their places.  The waiters did not hurry themselves, in order to give the late comers a chance and thus avoid the trouble of bringing in the dishes a second time.  The old bathers, the habitues, whose season was almost over, glanced, gazed toward the door whenever it opened, to see what new faces might appear.

This is the principal distraction of watering places.  People look forward to the dinner hour in order to inspect each day’s new arrivals, to find out who they are, what they do, and what they think.  We always have a vague desire to meet pleasant people, to make agreeable acquaintances, perhaps to meet with a love adventure.  In this life of elbowings, unknown strangers assume an extreme importance.  Curiosity is aroused, sympathy is ready to exhibit itself, and sociability is the order of the day.