Arabella (to her boy).  When I saw you on the stairs you seemed to dimly remind me—­

Jones.  To remind you dimly, mother.

Smith.  No, my boy.  In future, nothing but split infinitives will appear in our paper.  Please remember that.

Jones (with emotion).  I will endeavour to always remember it, dad.

Curtain.

A CHAPTER OF ACCIDENTS

John walked eight miles over the cliffs to the nearest town in order to buy tobacco.  He came back to the farmhouse with no tobacco and the news that he had met some friends in the town who had invited us to dinner and Bridge the next evening.

“But that’s no reason why you should have forgotten the tobacco,” I said.

“One can’t remember everything.  I accepted for both of us.  We needn’t dress.  Put on that nice blue flannel suit of yours—­”

“And that nice pair of climbing boots with the nails—­”

“Is that all you’ve got?”

“All I’m going to walk eight miles in on a muddy path.”

“Then we shall have to take a bag with us.  And we can put in pyjamas and stay the night at an hotel; it will save us walking back in the dark.  We don’t want to lose you over the cliff.”

I took out a cigar.

“This is the last,” I said.  “If, instead of wandering about and collecting invitations, you had only remembered—­Shall we cut it up or smoke half each?”

“Call,” said John, bringing out a penny.  “Heads it is.  You begin.”

I struck a match and began.

. . . . .

Next day, after lunch, John brought out his little brown bag.

“It won’t be very heavy,” he said, “and we can carry it in turns.  An hour each.”

“I don’t think that’s quite fair,” I said.  “After all, it’s your bag.  If you take it for an hour and a half, I don’t mind taking the other half.”

“Your shoes are heavier than mine, anyhow.”

“My pyjamas weigh less.  Such a light blue as they are.”

“Ah, but my tooth-brush has lost seven bristles.  That makes a difference.”

“What I say is, let every man carry his own bag.  This is a rotten business, John.  I don’t wish to be anything but polite, but for a silly ass commend me to the owner of that brown thing.”

John took no notice and went on packing.

“I shall buy a collar in the town,” he said.

“Better let me do it for you.  You would only go getting an invitation to a garden-party from the haberdasher.  And that would mean another eight miles with a portmanteau.”

“There we are,” said John, as he closed the bag, “quite small and light.  Now, who’ll take the first hour?”

“We’d better toss, if you’re quite sure you won’t carry it all the way.  Tails.  Just my luck.”

John looked out of the window and then at his watch.

“They say two to three is the hottest hour of the day,” he said.  “It will be cooler later on.  I shall put you in.”